Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Gospel According to Melvin, chapter 18

Scholars suggest that this latest translated fragment was not written by Melvin the melon merchant, but rather by his harried wife.

Dedicated to all you stressed out moms who are glad that the munchkins are back in school.

And Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not forbid them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

And one tiny tyke began to cry. "He took my dolly!" she wailed.

"Mine! Mine!" said the culprit, as he whisked past in a blur.

"I'm tired!" said one of a set of triplets.

"Me too! And bored!" said her sibling.

"I'm tired AND bored AND hungry!" added the third.

"Happy is the man who hath his quiver full of children," quoted their mother, "because he gets to go off to work every morning, while I'm stuck here with the little--"

And Jesus began to encourage her and point out the blessings of her many offspring, and to extol the virtues of children.

"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children--"

At that moment, one young lad broke away from his parents, raced up to Jesus--and kicked him in the shins, laughing.

"--you shall never enter the kingdom of heaven!" Jesus grated out.

"But I want one!" whined an unseen child. "Martha has a Simeon Sheepie! I want one too!"

"Me too!" pouted another.

"You're not even one of our children," said the father of the first.

"Uh-oh!" uttered a youngster in another part of the crowd.

"Ew!" yelped his sister. "Mommy, Little Jacob needs a fresh diaper!" Then, not two seconds later, "Mommy, I gotta go pottie!"

And the Master had enough, and shouted, "Suffer, little children!"


The Ironic Catholic said...

My husband is going to love this.

Allen's Brain said...

Glad to be of surface, er, service.