Monday, August 04, 2008

A word to the wise...

... is superfluous, they say. If that is so, I have no need to warn you about a new documentary film coming soon to a theater near you.

"An Inconvenient Tooth" is an independent feature that blows the lid off the seamy underbelly of the armadillo that is the dental industry! Unnecessary extractions and trading of dental records on the black market are just two of the issues that the American Dental Association doesn't want you to know about! Watch in horror as teeth are drilled and then filled with high density caramel! View accidental tonsil extractions due to careless usage of the saliva vacuum! Find out why dental hygienists make such a healthy salary, and decide for yourself if they really should!

You have never heard of this film, you say? If the highly-paid lobbyists for the ADA have their way, you never will! With tempting offers of jewel-encrusted toothbrushes and diamond filament dental floss, it is very possible that such atrocities will be allowed to continue, because this documentary will be mysteriously banned by Congress! You will only be able to watch it in secret, subterranean movie houses where other banned pictures are shown!

Additionally, three people who have given "An Inconvenient Tooth" a positive review have passed from this life in ways that can only be described as "bizarre" and "ritualistic!" Take, for instance, Calvin T. of Sweetwater, GA. Upon viewing the picture and commending it for journalistic excellence, Calvin was later discovered bound to a dental reclining chair and wearing a mask that forced him to breathe nothing but nitrous oxide for up to six hours, police say. "He never recovered, but he did go with a smile," said one officer who wished to remain nameless.

Ruth Canalle, Avery, IL, had all of her teeth removed, made into dentures, and replaced in her mouth. The experience was so traumatic, she still cannot speak about it, (without a lisp) and is likely out of the journalism business for life. She's not dead, but her career is.

Czech journalist Ympak "Ted" Mohlr was about to give "Inconvenient" a good review, but he never made it to press. During a routine appointment aboard "The Tooth Ferry"-- a dentist's office located on a barge--Mohlr was suffocated by being denied the porcelain sink in which to spit! Foaming at the mouth to the very end, here ends the life of another angry young reporter.

Please, for your own safety, see this film! Spread news about it by word of mouth! And whatever you do, DON'T GIVE THIS FILM A GOOD REVIEW!

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