And then I woke up this morning, and realized it had all been just a horrible nightmare.

As it turns out, my boss really is a sadistic monster that delights in tormenting me! And quite scaly, too.

My co-workers actually are zombies; not just people of below-average intelligence.

The furniture really is alive and frequently changes places while I'm not looking!

The villagers do fear me, and suspect that I am responsible for a number of heinous crimes.

I am the perpetrator of many unspeakable acts which are an abuse of science and an affront to both God and nature! Should I leave the safety of my castle, I'd be certainly arrested or murdered.

My "Abominations" are still at large, freely frolicking and wreaking destruction and bloodshed in the towns and on the countrysides.

It is a perfectly beautiful day! Black as the inside of a depressed gorilla, torn by blindingly blue-white forks of lightning and shaken by blasts of thunder. The thunder momentarily drowns out the yelping of the plummeting cats and dogs.

Unfortunately, unlike in my dream, my experiments to cross-breed the Atomic Lizard-Men with the Asparagus People to create a hybrid food source that would be both meat and veggie have met with no success as of yet.

Oh well, not everything can be perfect.


Why are you all looking at me like that? Just use your normal, everyday eyes!

Weirdoes.