Scary Valentines of Yore

A few rather disturbing valentine cards from several decades back. These, and many more were posted by the entertaining nostalgia blog, And Everything Else, Too.

Because violence so often begets romance!

Ah, romance under the Big Top! The caveman clown clubs Ronald McDonald's sister, Leilani the hula dancer, under the assumption that this act of malevolent behavior will motivate her to be his Valentine. I'm told some women favor the caveman approach to courtship, but I don't think this is what was meant. I hope it works out for them, though, suffering as they are from terminal jaundice. And isn't the guy just a bit too, um, cheeky?

Already I'm a liar. This pic wasn't found at AndEverythingElseToo. Sorry.

But this one was...


Just say NO to pot.

Um, here we have the savage jungle theme again--so VERY un-PC.  However, the anklet is now on the aother foot, gender-speaking.  "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"? No.  "If music be the food of love..."? Uh-uh. "I could just eat you up"? Closer.  You "soup me" might have been a more apt slogan. Note how Caucasion these two are. Not that it would be any less-creepy if they were depicted as a different race--but isn't it odd?

And speaking of eating...

Inter-species romance? It would initially appear so. And what gal wouldn't fall for this approach?  "You annoy me, so please be my girlfriend."  No, we all know what's going on, here. "Come into my parlor, said the spider to the... ladybug." He's asking to have her to his place for dinner. Dapper arachnid, though.

This one is too grim to contemplate, I think.  Who would think that this was a suitable card for kids? Hallmark, apparently. Anyone who gives out this Valentine clearly is crying out for help.

Happy Valentine's Day?

What better way to say "I love you" than a St Espressus of Java t-shirt or mug? I can think of a few.