Jesus' political attack ads

I'm glad the election is over, because I was sick of all the mudslinging commercials. I got wondering this morning, if Jesus were running for public office, what sort of attack ads he might run. Of course, Jesus probably wouldn't run attack ads, but here's what I came up with:

"Herod Antipas: He calls himself the King of the Jews, but did you know that he's not even really Jewish? Herod thinks he has a mandate to rule the people, yet he came to his position through nepotism! He's only king because his father was! Not only that, did you know that Herod Antipas is endorsed by the Roman Empire?
My name is Jesus, and I approved this message, because I know that what the people of Judea really need is someone who identifies with them.
Vote Jesus. At least he's Jewish!"

"Are you tired of the bipartisan political circus? The Sadducees fight to halt the Pharisees' activities. The Pharisees spend all their time criticizing the Sadducees. Don't you think it's time for a change?
Jesus isn't a Pharisee or a Sadducee. He's the son of a carpenter. His best friends are fishermen. He calls himself the Son of Man. Jesus is one of us, and he has a plan to end bipartisan politics! Isn't it time for a change?
This ad paid for by the Friends of Jesus, and Fishers of Men."

And one especially for IL voters:

"Judah bar Simeon! He claims he loves and keeps the law of Moses, but when his donkey fell in a ditch on the Sabbath, Judah bar Simeon pulled him out! Then Judah bar Simeon condemns Jesus for healing a man on the Sabbath! Judah bar Simeon: Strong on Law, weak on justice, mercy, & faithfulness. Judah bar Simeon: What was he thinking?
Hello, I'm Jesus, and I approved this message, because the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath!"