Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Eye on Judea at 10

Music & voiceover: It's "Eye on Judea at 10," with Simeon bar Yachov, Miriam bat Ezra, Moshe bar Moshe on sports, and Izzy Goldstein with the weather! Judea's number one evening newscast starts now!

Simeon bar Yachov: Good evening. This is Eye on Judea at 10. Here are our top stories: The latest polls show Caesar Augustus with an approval rating of only 9%! This sudden drop follows on the heels of his highly unpopular "Count 'em and tax 'em" comment in a press conference last Thursday.

Footage of Press Conference -
Unseen Reporter: Emperor! Imperial Majesty!
Augustus: Yes? You! (points to unseen reporter)
Unseen Reporter: Sir, what do you intend to do about the imperial deficit?
Augustus: Well, it seems to me that we have too many improvement projects going on across this land, too little money in the imperial coffers, and too many people in the empire that are unaccounted for. We cannot tax people that we don't know about. So, effective immediately, I'm setting in place an empire-wide census and taxing! Everyone will return to their ancestral home towns, register there, and pay whatever tax the Senate sees fit. Count 'em and tax 'em: that's what I say!

Simeon bar Yachov: Pundits are agreed that this census and taxing was a poor move on Caesar's part, but are equally agreed that since he's the emperor, there's not much that can be done about it. Rumors of an assassination attempt yesterday remain unconfirmed, and no one is claiming responsibility for the "Romans go home!" graffiti that appeared on Jerusalem's city walls the morning after the press conference. We'll keep you informed as this story develops. Miriam?

No comments: