Sunday, February 04, 2007

The Living Lexicon: Church Terms That Oughta' Be

Biblidue: The build-up of bookmarks, bulletins, notes, and other miscellanea that collects in one's Bible.

Clivaholic: One who can no longer control the compulsion to quote C.S. Lewis in every sermon, lesson, or conversation.

Hymnastics: The entertaining body language of the song leader.

Narthexegesis: Unsolicited post-sermon commentary given the preacher by armchair biblical theologians.

Pewtrify: To occupy a precise spot in the sanctuary for more than 15 years without once showing signs of sentient life.

Ministereotype: A common myth or misconception about any ordained person.

Deaconscript: An unwilling church officer cajoled into a position of leadership.

Hi-litaholic: One who cannot resist highlighting Bible verses until the entire volume is a multihued mass of Day-Glo vibrancy.

Hymnprovisation: The abrupt and unannounced transition from one song to another, usually a chorus unfamiliar to most present.

Proliferation: An abundance of anti-abortion activists.

Pulpituitary: That phenomenon familiar to those seated on the front pew, during which a preacher produces hazardous conditions with alliterative Ps.

—Rob Suggs in Leadership, Vol. 10, no. 2.

Soon to be seen in humor-blogs.com

9 comments:

Diesel said...

As a deaconscript myself, I appreciate these quite a bit.

Is there a word for when the praise team and the congregation have differing thoughts on which verse comes next and they fight it out until one side overwhelms the other?

Allen said...

Of course! Diverseifaltercation!

the amoeba said...

Oh man, I think I'm going to be coming here more often ...

Acolyter: The kid's source for the secret flame.

Vestibuligerator:

1. (Northern churches) The entryway in January.

2. (Unfortunate churches) The person at the end of the entryway.

;)

Joel Bezaire said...

What about when the Powerpoint presentation puts up Verse 3 of the hymn, but the song leader is on Verse 4, so nobody knows what to sing?

Allen said...

Amoeba, thanks for, um, flagellating in! There's plenty of backlog for your time-wasting pleasure!

Allen said...

Joel, isn't that called an "overslidte"?

The Ironic Catholic said...

Very cute!

PraiseDivineMercy said...

Awesome, I think these are my favorite words of the day.

I just realized that our choir is guilty of hymnastics... Since I'm a choir member I feel rather guilty.

Anonymous said...

biblicity ?