Saturday, March 17, 2007

St Paddy's Day in my neighborhood

I grew up in a pretty tough neighborhood.

We didn't drink green beer on St Patrick's Day. We drank radiator coolant, which was a much cooler shade of green, and tasted better.

On St Patrick's Day in my neighborhood, we used to sing "When Irish Eyes Are Smilin', Shoot 'Em!"

We had classic Irish Pub brawls on St Paddy's Day, just like everywhere else, except that we did that before we started raising pints.

We didn't have leprechauns guarding pots of gold. We had leper-cons (convicts with leprosy) guarding... pot. The bad thing was, even if you got past the leper-cons, you still might get leprosy. Of course, our Guinness Antifreeze Stout tended to clear that up.

We didn’t have the St Paddy’s Day parade, but the gangbangers blared The Chieftans from their stereos when they did drive-by’s.

The green we wore was week-old bruises.

In our neighborhood, "River Dance" was slang for what guys did who got cement shoes, if ya' know what I mean.


We didn't have shamrocks on St Patrick's Day. We had real rocks!

*****

Improve your Irish bar lingo here. Learn to say things like "Did I ever tell you Bono is my cousin?" and "Kiss me, I'm humor-blogs.com!"

3 comments:

The Drive-by Blogger said...

you still might get leprosy. Of course, our Guinness Antifreeze Stout tended to clear that up

Provided of course, that you were able to drink it before your arms fell off. A great St.Patrick's day post Mr.Allen.

Allen said...

Thanks, drive-by. My regret is not signing my post "Allen O'Brain."

Diesel said...

That sounds preferable to the actual River Dance.