Friday, September 21, 2007

A Blogger’s Vidui Ashamnu

In preparation for Yom Kippur, which starts at sundown today, I have prepared a version of the ashamnu confessional prayer geared for bloggers:
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We have been guilty. We have eaten non-kosher snacks in a flurry of blog-posting. Additionally, we have stuffed our faces while responding to our readers’ comments without saying the blessing before or after.

We have betrayed. We have failed to thank a fellow blogger for sending us something we can use in our blog, and have never returned the favor.

We have stolen. We have posted articles and lists to our blogs which we found elsewhere, and have not credited the source, passing it off as our own. We have slightly modified another blogger’s post and passed it off as our work.

We have spoken hypocritically. We have condemned behavior in our blogs that we ourselves are guilty of. We have flattered a fellow blogger, and secretly harbored ill will against him or her.

We have caused upright people to sin. We have posted salacious pictures and comments that cause even a good person to stumble. We have, by our biting comments stirred up hatred in others’ hearts.

We have encouraged the perpetuation of evil. We have turned a blind eye to flame wars in our comments windows and have, even jokingly, promoted the continuation of evil practices.

We have evil hearts. We have scorned those whom we rightly ought to have honored. We have not given proper acknowledgment to those who have enriched us, both physically and spiritually.

We have become violent. We have engaged in flame wars. We have emailed viruses to bloggers we don’t like. We have used our computer skills to corrupt the code on their site.

We have attached lies. We have advertised items with misleading images and/or descriptions. We have retold a story in such a way that our guilt in the matter is covered.

We have advised evil. We've given out bad advice to our readers.

We have lied. We have blatantly expressed untrue things. We have passed along Internet rumors and hoaxes without ever consulting snopes.com! This, say the sages, is tantamount to willful deception.

We have scoffed. We have willfully broken the few rules and guidelines established by the blogging network with which we are affiliated, because they cramped our style.

We have rebelled. We have shown utter disregard for any rules or guidelines, and have treated them as if they did not, in fact, exist.

We have been scornful of the Holy One. We have caused G-D to become angry with us by posting sacrilegious or blasphemous things in our blogs. We have sworn falsely or broken vows by stating that we will continue a discussion or story and never doing so.

We have been disobedient. The blogging covenant implies that we shall post regularly, and we have violated this, becoming too wrapped up in our offline lives to post at least once a week.

We have been perverse. We have treated our readers with contempt by not posting anything for weeks at a time without so much as an “I’m taking a little break” notice, just because we felt like being lazy.

We have transgressed. See “We have rebelled.”

We have persecuted. We have blasted a person or group of people in our blogs without fair warning. We have engaged in constant defamation of a public official or political party, even though our blog is not strictly political in nature. We have viciously attacked the person who posted what we think is an exceedingly ignorant comment to our blog.

We have been stiff-necked. We have persisted in posting exceedingly-dull entries on our blogs, and have complained that our traffic is not what it once was. Alternately, we have sat at our computers for too many hours without moving, and have trouble turning our heads without pain.

We have been lawless, and have earned for ourselves the reputation of being wicked. We have treated the blogosphere as if it were our own post-apocalyptic wasteland over which we are supreme rulers. We have developed alternate online identities for the express purpose of being trolls. We have rejected the use of spell-check.

We have corrupted. This involves primarily sexual immorality and idol worship. Combining these, we have posted pictures and video clips of naked celebrities. We have thought too highly of ourselves, consistently portraying ourselves as the biggest of the big kahunas, and engaged in excessive online flirtation.

We have committed abominations. We admit that post we wrote two weeks ago was badly-written, poorly-spelled, impossible to follow, and utterly indecipherable to anyone.

We have gone astray. We began our blogs with such promise, but lately have resorted to memes, personality tests, and weird news items which have no bearing on what we originally intended our blogs to be.

We have turned from Your commandments and have exchanged them for something that is not even remotely comparable. We have forsaken our regular blogs for a myspace or facebook page, and still claim that we are real bloggers. We confess our need to return.

1 comment:

ironic catholic said...

:)

Good stuff.