Allen's Brain delves (shallowly) into his childhood

Remember how grade cards used to contain teachers' comments, like "runs with scissors," "Plays well with others," and "eats paste"?

A recently-found report of my own school behaviors read "Runs with paste. Eats scissors. Frightens other children. Plays well with school psychologist (previous one.)

This may explain a few things, like why the walls of the school always seemed to be speckled with white, just like my school clothes. Or why we were doing origami in second grade crafts. Or why my best friend in school--a Polish kid named Oskar--was really a "pole": a support beam in the classroom.

Ah! School days! Where else would you get to reanimate the class hamster?