Showing posts with label blogger's life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogger's life. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

And Now, The Big Reveal!



I have a secret.

When people ask what I do for fun, or what my hobbies are, they are likely to hear the response, "Well, honestly, I'm a pretty boring individual. I read a lot." However, I have been known to reply, "Well, I drink heavily," "I stand on my head in a bucket of paint -- It's sort of performance art," "I answer personal questions," and, "I'm a brain in a jar! How many hobby options are available to me, do you think?"

Last night, I told the inquiring party, "You know, you almost never hear 'housework' as a response to the question."

"So you like to do housework?"

"No. I just said it was a rarely-heard response to that question." (And I wonder why I don't get on socially.)

I actually DO have another hobby. A secret one. But since we are unlikely to meet, I figure I can share this.

My hobby is wrestling -- or, more accurately -- "wrasslin' ": Professional wrestling, not Olympic. I love the theatricality of it. The borderline cheesiness of cartoonish masculinity combined with the serious physicality touches me deeply. More specifically, I love luchadores. (Yes, that WAS a 1950s sitcom! Thanks for noticing! Little-known fact: Desi Arnaz worked as a luchador on nights his band didn't have gigs.) The trademark colorful masks and high-flying acrobatics make me inexplicably happy.

But lots of guys watch sports for fun. There's even a huge fanbase for Lucha Libre. That's not much of a secret. However, the hobby part goes a bit deeper.

I. Am. A. Luchador.

I'm a very pale Anglo-Saxon guy who moonlights as a Mexican wrestler. In a culture that greatly values Latino heritage, however, I found the loophole. I discovered a way to overcome the ethnicity issue.

I wrestle in a chicken suit.

I fight under the name of Marco Pollo.

Sure, much of my time in the ring is spent as comic relief in warm-up matches. After all, you'd figure a wrestler named Marco Pollo wouldn't fight. Y'know, because he's a chicken. Instead, Marco runs away, flapping and clucking loudly. He leaps from turnbuckles, somersaulting over his foe. Occasionally, he dead-faints, only to get up and flee the ring before the count is up. Imagine a team mascot vs a big, scary guy in spandex, and you get the picture pretty well.

When you think about it, though, a wrestling chicken makes perfect sense. Ever hear of cockfights? So, sometimes Marco fights back -- and wins. Always against "bad guy" wrestlers.  He pumps his chicken-wing fists in the air like a winning prizefighter. He throws his head back and utters his mighty chicken battle cry, "Bawk! B'gawk-B'gawk-B'gaaaaawk!" He races around the ring, springing from the ropes at his opponent, flailing and flapping wildly. And the crowd goes nuts. "Marco! Marco! Marco!"  The kids love it, especially. I mean, how often in this life do you get to see a hulking, muscular man get beat up by a chicken?

Not. Often. Enough.

So there it is. The chicken is out of the bag, as it were.

Next time someone asks me what I do for fun, I'll tell them.


"I like to cook."



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The preceding article has been fact-checked by Snopes.com & other independent fact-checking sources.
It has received a rating of 97% unreliable and fictitious.
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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Getting Crafty In The Brain Lab: Christchild Christmas Ornament

You're teaching the little ones about the birth of Christ, and you need an easy craft project? Here is what we did at our Cornland Monday School program:

These wooden ellipses are about the size of a penny that's been run over by a train. Maybe a little bigger. You can get them in the craft department for very little. I suppose you could substitute those wood ice cream spoons, instead. You could try foam shapes, too, but I don't know how well they'd hold up to being "swaddled."

Cut strips of material about 8 inches long (we used white fleece, which is nice because it's kinda stretchy, but whatever you have on hand.) and glue one end of the strip to one end of the wood. Thought about using yarn or twine. I expect it would work okay.

Wrap up your Baby Jesus and glue your remaining end down. The wood end that sticks out will be the baby's head/face.

Mine is just black marker, but you could use different colors, paint, or a smiley face sticker (I DID think about it!), or glue some yarn or fur for hair.
Cut rectangles of yellow construction paper (or foam, or whatever you want) a lit larger than the baby. Fringe the two long sides with scissors. This will be hay for the manger. Have the kids write their names in the unfringed area, so you can identify them when they're all done.

Glue your Christchild to the "hay" and bend the fringe up around him. Worry it a bit, and it'll be more straw-like. If it's too long, trim it off. Sure, you could use real straw, but the construction paper has the space for the child's name and date.

Finally, glue or tape a loop of string or yarn on the back at the head end, so you can hang it. If you don't like that idea, I guess you could stick a magnet on the back and put Baby Jesus on your fridge or file cabinet. (Personally, I find interesting foreshadowing in hanging Baby Jesus on a TREE.)
What I learned: put your name closer to the middle of the paper or you'll glue the string over part of your name. And who knows who "llen" is? Not I!

Nine baby Jesuses (Jesi?) hanging on an evergreen!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

GULP! Jonah & the Whale-cup, Allen's Brain Lab-style


Each whale is a small styrofoam coffee cup wrapped with a strip of paper -- a standard 8 1/2 x 11" sheet of paper split in half length-wise. At the top of each strip was typed the lesson's Bible memory verse. We glued the paper to the cup. The bottom edges were pinched together and scotch-taped for a tail, along with the end of the yarn. Jonah is an inch by 1.5 inches.

Grasp the cup firmly and try to get the whale to swallow Jonah. Then, you can also make him URP! him back up onto the "beach," just like in the story!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Jonah and the whale-cup

This guy has a cool idea for a Jonah and the whale lesson craft idea.


Think I'll do something like this tonight, with my "Monday School" class.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Tempted to buy for a Church Christmas display

You have probably seen this Playmobil brand nativity set toy somewhere. I saw this one at Barnes & Noble the other day.

Why the "Allen's Brain in a Santa hat logo? Because I saw something being sold on the same table with this Nativity. It was also by Playmobil, and it was actually intended for a different Christmas "market" set, but--

Well, anyway, the big (?) reveal...


Yup, Sanity Claus, a snowman, and some toys! So want to buy 'em both, and set the supplementary Seasonal figures up in the stable. Give Jesus a teddy bear. Or replace him with the teddy bear, to see if anyone notices. Kringle's already on the box label, anyway (lower left corner.) Maybe I could make them Magi, bearing gifts of plush, soccer, and dolly! I could add my crash test dummy action figure as the third, if we MUST have 3.

Now I just need a teeny menorah!


Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Halloween decor in a couple of hours.

Or, proof that I'm a procrastinating Hallow-weiner.

The white lights strung at the top are ghost-shaped.
Pumpkin trick-or-treat bucket as a light cover; looks like the house is on fire!
6 treat buckets strung together with lights inside, dangling from a hook.
Another porch view. Creepy!

And then... ONE trick-or-treater!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Caption this!


Leave a comment in the comments box or go to facebook and comment there.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Woohoo! Allen's Brain declared a heretic!

The rest of me is throughly orthodox, I suppose.

Just found out I've been nominated for "best blog by a heretic."

Haven't a snowcone's chance in a coffee pot of winning, but you can vote for me, anyway. While you're there, drop a vote for Brain Lab friends Ironic Catholic and B-Movie Catechism! The Blue Brain commands it!

Thanks to those who nominated me and voted for me--you lunatics, you! Just wait til the pope finds out you've been reading me!

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Completing Conan

I picked up Conan the Barbarian on the cheap* at Barnes & Noble some time last year as a Christmas gift to my brother-in-law, who likes fantasy and sci-fi. Later on, I couldn't resist picking up a copy for myself. I'd never read any of the Conan stories, nor seen any of the movies. However, it seemed that if they were still being published, they might be worth the read. They are, by the way.

Here's the edition I picked up, published by Metro Books.


There were nine short stories/novellas, and I began to think that perhaps looking into full-length Conan novels by Robert Howard--the original author--would be a worthwhile idea. I consulted Wikipedia (please spare me your judgment) and discovered that the cover blurbs had been a bit misleading. (If you've not yet read the footnote, now would be a good time.) The collection I had purchased only contained some of Howard's Conan tales--the last nine, I believe.

Anyway, if you found yourself in the same predicament, my suggestion is to pick up this one: The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian. (Del Rey)


True, there is some overlap (two, maybe three stories,) but it contains the earlier stories you missed--and gives the orginal titles and "Weird Tales" publication dates.
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*Well, just under $10, anyway, which seemed like a great deal for "The original, unabridged adventures" of "the original Conan epics."

Thursday, July 28, 2011

In Search of the Sacred

LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?

He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous,

who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue,

who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman,

who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD,

who keeps his oath even when it hurts,

who lends his money without usury

and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

He who does these things will never be shaken.
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I'm preaching through this Psalm--15--for the next few weeks. We are made holy through Christ's sacrifice* (Hebrews 10:10, et al), but what does holiness look like?
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*That's a New Testament statement. Yet, in the Hebrew Bible, God is always saying that he is the one who makes his people holy. Never seems to address the HOW.

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Brain returns to the lab!

With all the extra sun-exposure and super heat-indexes, I likely absorbed more radiation, and am more powerful--or more mutated--than before! Mu-haha-hack! cough! gasp! wheeze!

Good week of camp, despite my presence there. Everything went pretty well, except for the vespers speaker! Holy cow! Could that guy have been any more long-winded and boring?!

112 5th & 6th grade students + triple digit heat index every day + no air-conditioning in the dorms = bad sleep. Oh well. We weren't relying on our own strength, anyway. Couldn't have. My family group quickly learned Philippians 2:14. "Do everything without murmuring or complaining..."

Most of the faculty this week were folks I knew and had worked with before. However, even the first-time "junior" staff were, to my pleasant amazement, very competent.

Of the 20-some students who decided to submit to Christ and become Christians, I got to baptize 1. Cool story to follow:

It's camp policy to call a young person's parents about their decision to become a Christian. The reason is two-fold. First, this is a huge decision, and since the parents are responsible for their child's spiritual welfare, it's only right to get their permission. Secondly, it's good news--and we like sharing good news!

Some of those phone conversations have--in the past--led to some interesting Bible and doctrinal discussions. However, I've never had this one happen. I'd called one boy's adoptive mom--his aunt--and she had joyously agreed that we could baptize him.  A while later, his uncle/adopted father called me back. "I heard that (child's name) is getting baptized. Would it be okay for me to come out and be baptized as well?" The gentleman in question was 64, had been in church much or all of his life, and had never been able to--as he put it--"pull the plug" and fully submit to Christ in baptism. When his wife called him about his nephew's decision, he told me, it finally clicked--the time was right.

So, the young man was baptized by his 2 family group leaders--for one of them, the first baptism they'd ever performed. And, at the same time, right beside him, I got to baptize his uncle! I've never been part of two-fer like that before. Pretty cool!

Gotta get caught up on lost sleep in the next day or so, because this Sunday is Christmas In July! Got a favorite Christmas sermon/homily you'd like to share?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Well of Veritas

I'm getting ready to go work in camp next week. As I said before, I'm preaching in the vespers services. Since we have a medieval/fairy tale theme this week, I'm prefacing the messages with fairy tale-like stories. Here is Sunday night's, in which we're talking about being made in God's image.
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The day had been long, and the sun had beat down upon the travelers’ heads like a sheet of iron, wearing them down. Each step, it became harder to lift their feet. At last, young Catherine looked up to see the fortress on the horizon.

It was drawing toward evening now, and she began to reflect on her journey. She had been a scullery maid–a servant girl in the kitchen of King Olaf. She didn’t like the work, but peasant girls didn’t have many options. And yet, she always believed in her heart that there was something more to life–that SHE was meant for something more!

Her companion on this journey was Harold. He was apprenticed to a village cobbler, and had hated it. He had found the work mind-numbingly dull. He wanted excitement and adventure. However, since his parents weren’t nobles, there was no chance he would ever become a knight.

One day, however, Harold had overheard the discussion of two customers who had come into his shop to have their boots repaired. They spoke about a well–the Well of Veritas, it was called. Everyone who looked into the Well of Veritas, it was said, saw their own reflection–not as they were right then–but as they were intended to be. To peer into this well was to know your true self!

As soon as it was dark, Harold sneaked out and went to King Olaf’s castle to tell his friend Catherine about the well. That night, they made plans to escape. Two days later, under cover of darkness, they met by the giant oak tree and began the quest that now led them to this place.

The Well of Veritas was protected within the walls of the great Fortress Batsar: sheer walls of solid stone rising 50 feet into the air on every side. The drawbridge was down, creating a bridge over the moat, but the entrance was flanked by four men in imposing suits of armor. Slowly, the two young people approached, footsteps thudding hollowly on the wooden bridge. They had no proper weapons with which to fight. Catherine had a small paring knife she’d borrowed from the kitchen. Harold had a walking stick made from a thick branch that would work as a club, but neither would be any use against armor.

“We mean you no harm,” Catherine called to them. “We are not enemies.”

“That’s right,” said Harold. “We’ve just come to look into the Well of Veritas.”

The guards did not move. Harold & Catherine stood before the entrance. “So, we’ll just be going in, then...” Harold said, taking a step bravely forward. Still, the guards did not move.

In a few more steps, they were both standing inside the huge, vaulted doorway of the Fortress Batsar.

“So, you made it past the guards,” said a voice from near their feet. It was little gray squirrel! “So few people make it. The sight of the guards is usually enough to frighten folks away. The truth is, there aren’t even any men inside the armor! But don’t make the same mistake with the guards around the Well. They’re quite real.”

The squirrel led them up a spiral staircase to a window overlooking the courtyard where the Well was. The four guards wore hooded robes and looked very un-human! The first had a face like a hawk and sharp claws for hands. The second was like a gorilla. The third resembled a wolf, and if Catherine or Harold had ever seen one, they would have thought the fourth looked like a furry crocodile.

Catherine asked the squirrel, “Since you’ve been so nice to us, is there any hope of defeating the guards so that we can look into the Well?”

“There is one hope,” he said. “You must make the guards look into the well themselves. Only by seeing themselves as they really are can they be defeated. But it won’t be easy.”

Harold and Catherine entered the courtyard. The first guard, the one with the hawk-face, came at them, leaping about and flashing its long sharp claws in stunningly swift martial arts maneuvers. “Wow!” Harold told the bird-man. “You’re fast! But I bet you can’t catch this.” He picked up a pebble.

“I can catch anything!” shrieked the bird-man.

Harold tossed the pebble gently to the guard. Of course, he caught it. Harold threw another and another, faster each time, and farther away. Each time, the bird-man skillfully plucked them out of the air. What he failed to notice, though, was that Harold had begun edging toward the well. Harold threw his last pebble, right into the well. The bird-headed guard reached out for it, and doing so, looked down into the water. Seeing his reflection, he disappeared in an explosion of feathers.

The second guard was the gorilla. For a weapon, he bore a long-handled axe. With a mighty whoosh, he swung his ax at Catherine, but she leaped back just in time. He raised it over his head and slashed downward, trying to split her in two. She nimbly stepped aside, and the axe’s blade rang loudly on the stone floor.

“Oh, Mr Ape,” she cried, “Your axe blade is so rusty! No wonder you can’t hit me!”

The gorilla objected loudly. “That’s not true, I polished it this morning!”

“Oh but you didn’t,” she said. “Look how dull it is in comparison with the surface of the well!”

He made the comparison, saw his reflection, and popped out of existence, leaving behind a banana-scented cloud.

The wolf-headed guard was next. He split the night with bone chilling howls. He stalked slowly toward Harold, baring his teeth and growling menacingly, yellow eyes gleaming in the moonlight. Harold was genuinely frightened, but he didn’t show it.

“Is that supposed to scare me?” he asked. “My grandma is scarier than that!”

The wolf’s hair stood on end. He snarled, gnashing his teeth and foaming at the mouth.

Harold swallowed hard. “That’s not how you make a scary face! This is a much scarier face!” and he scowled at the wolf.

The guard laughed a wolfish laugh. “That’s not a scary face!”

"It’s scarier than yours.”

“No it’s not!”

“Sure it is!”

“Never!”

“Yes it is, and I’ll prove it. Let’s compare our reflections in a mirror and see whose face is scarier. Do you have a mirror? No? Well then, how about checking our reflections in the well?”

The wolf agreed, and soon he was no more.

The last guard snapped his great crocodile jaws and began to chase both of them around the courtyard.

“I am so hungry, I’m going to eat both of you in one bite!”

“Eew!” screamed Catherine. “Don’t eat Harold! He’s filthy, and he’ll taste terrible, I’m sure!”

“And you don’t want to eat HER,” said Harold. “She’s all skin and bones, and will probably get stuck in your throat!”

“I’m so hungry, I don’t care!” said the croc-creature.

“Wouldn’t you rather have some nice, juicy fish?” asked Catherine. “I saw some in the well, I’m sure!”

“Oh no you don’t! You won’t trick me into looking in the well!”

“But she’s telling you the truth,” replied Harold. “Here, I’ll go catch one for you!” He went to the well and plunged his hands into it, and pretended to struggle. “I got one! Oh! He’s so big, I can’t pull him out!” So convincing was he that the reptile-like guard came to see the fish, saw himself instead, and dissolved into dust.

“You did it! You defeated them!” It was the squirrel.

“I don’t think this well really works,” said Harold. “When I looked in, I saw myself as a prince, a son of king Olaf.”

“And I was a princess,” agreed Catherine.

“And so you truly are! Children of the King! In his likeness.”

“But I saw when the guards looked into the well. They saw themselves as sons of the king, too!”

“And that is what THEY were truly meant to be,” sighed the squirrel. “But they weren’t satisfied with that, and so they rebelled against the king, and became the hideous things that you saw.”

And so it is with all who are made in the King’s image.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Nose, Meet Grindstone.

Is it really July, already?

Been writing up a storm since Tuesday, having received (finally) Jr 1 camp info. I'm writing morning skits, teaching a class, preaching vespers, leading a family group, and probably some other things that I haven't found out about yet.

Well, thank you for your patience. Here's a special message just for you (and anyone else who can click on the smiley face button.)

Monday, June 27, 2011

I'd like to thank the Academy...

I’ve been awarded the Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award by nissa_loves_cats of the delightfully-named blog, The Lina Lamont Fan Club (“What’s da’ mattah wit’ my voice?)

Truthfully–and sadly–I wasn’t particularly familiar with Nissa’s blog. I think I had read a linked post, here and there, but wasn’t a regular reader. However, after browsing about, I think I’ll swing by there more often. Of course, that seems to be the dark, secret motivation of blog awards of this ilk. :-D

“Irresistibly Sweet” sounds like something that would induce nausea upon ingestion. Not sure what that implies about my blog. Additionally, Nissa comments, “The last time I passed out an award, one of my awardees... was not available to pick up his award due to being in jail for the death threats he kept making... So now I'm puzzled--- do I try to find bloggers who WON'T get arrested to award them, or should I consider it a challenge to pick another potential trouble-maker? I'm torn....” So, now I REALLY wonder what she thinks of me! Hee-hee!

So, thanks, Nissa... I think...

Anyway, the stipulations for accepting this “award” are as follows:

The Rules:

1. Thank and link to the person who nominated you.

2. Share 7 random facts about yourself.

3. Pass the award along to 8 deserving blog buddies.

4. Contact those buddies to congratulate them.
*****

Now then, onward to the Abyss!

VII Roman, er, Random Facts About Allen’s Brain

I. I’ve quite a fondness for Hawaiian shirts and wear them over long t-shirts and sweatshirts in the winter. I have worn the same red print Hawaiian shirt the last 3 Christmases–maybe 4.

II. “I think you ought to know, I’m feeling very depressed.” Recently finished downloading the complete “Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy” BBC radio programs, and am listening to them in my car. Marvin the Paranoid (and perpetually-depressed) Android, btw, is the source of that quote.

III. With a passion for strong coffee and super-spicy food, it’s a wonder I have any tastebuds or stomach left, but I do. They’re on the third shelf from the bottom, second and fifth from the right, respectively. (Okay. That last bit’s not true. It’s actually the 2nd and 6th from the right.)

IV. Just achieved gold card status on my Starbucks membership. Yay.

V. In my fantasy life, I would run a tiki-themed coffee bar called either “ExotiCafe” or “Shrunken Ed’s.”

VI. I have never been compared to a giraffe or a bowl of cereal, and I don’t particularly envy anyone who has.

VII. Perhaps it’s the mad scientist in me, but I really like a good thunderstorm: lots of forked lightning, loud crashes of thunder, and great, wet curtains of rain plummeting to earth! Muh-ha-ha-ha!
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I don’t think I know/read 8 bloggers that would do this sort of thing, but if you are one such, and would like to do this, then I consider you Irresistibly Sweet!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Shove you what?

No! Sha-vu-ot! It's a Jewish holiday that celebrates the events at Mt Sinai after the exodus from Egypt. Christians tend to call it "Pentecost," a Greek-based word that points to it being celebrated 50 days after Passover.

Shavuot celebrates the giving of the Law--especially the 10 commandments--by God through Moses.

Anyway, that's holyday we celebrated last night at Vacation Bible School. Things went fairly well. I'm already thinking of ways to re-work portions of it to be more broadly age-inclusive. At least the recreation portion went well... And the snacks (Mac-n-cheese!)

Tonight, that crazy, unhinged celebration of the book of Esther known as Purim! We're starting with the crafts portion of the evening--making masks!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A couple days late, but...

We started VBS last night. Actually getting to "field test" "Thou Shalt Party." Kinda' nice, after sitting on this egg for 2 years! Last night, focusing on Rosh HaShanah--and thus, Creation--went well. Hope to have some bobble head pics in a couple days.

Pesach/Passover is tonight. Wednesday, we do Shavuot/Pentecost, which, calendrically-speaking, was last Sunday.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

For all y'all Jewish Cajuns out there!

Allen's Brain does not simply thrive on coffee and bad movies. It also finds great stimulation in spicy food. My latest lab experiment combined two of my loves: Judaism and hot sauce!

Uncle Brainstein's "Oy Vey! 'At's A Spicy Matzoh Ball!"

Start with your favorite matzoh ball recipe or mix.

Make the matzoh balls, according to the recipe/directions.

Instead of dropping them into boiling soup, drop them into a pan of the same amount of boiling hot sauce. My recipe calls for 2-and-a-half quarts.
(Frank's Red Hot would be ideal, but I went with the super-cheap store brand. Whatever's spicy and tangy. I love Tabasco, but I can't imagine using it. It'd get pretty expensive, too.)

Otherwise, follow your matzoh ball recipe.

The matzoh balls will absorb the soup/sauce.

You can use a funnel and pour the remaining sauce back into the bottles. It'll be a little thicker, having cooked-down.

Great added to a chicken dish or as a unique, kosher accompaniment to buffalo wings. Try 'em with ranch or bleu cheese dressing.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

The Allen's Brain bobble head: coming soon to a retailer near you!

Well, not true, actually. It's fine. No one will want one of these, anyway. I have it, and I'm not sure I want it.

Here's the deal: In a couple weeks, we'll be doing a lesson in Vacation Bible School about creation. Naturally, we want the youngsters to know that we are made in God's image, and what that means. In order to drive the point home, we bought these DIY bobble heads!

They're ceramic, four or five inches high, and they have a circular indentation on the front of the head, about an inch-and-a-half across, for a picture of your face. Mine, of course, needed a beard, and ridiculous hair to match.

The skin is not so orangey as it looks here.

Profile. You can see the pre-formed hair line.

I'm kinda proud of free-handing the Hawaiian print. I'm SO not an artist!
 
Extreme close-up! Aaagh! What's with the Mr T hairdo?

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A bit tacky?

For Memorial day, the main street of Pawnee was lined with little American flags. These were provided by a certain local real estate agent, who shall remain nameless. How do I know it was he? Stapled to each of the little wooden flagpoles was his business card!

Kinda tacky, don't you think?