Good help is so hard to find! So many applicants just lack the basic skills to be a real asset to your place of business. The key in weeding out the bad apples from the truly wormy ones lies, I think, in asking the right interview questions. Here are some I have used recently to locate a qualified assistant. Whether you're looking for a lab assistant or an executive assistant, these questions will help put you on the right track. Feel free to use any and all that you need.
Gender (list all that apply) _______________________
Age _______ Age in dog years _______
Number of years since your most recent resurrection/regeneration ______
Number of fingers, toes, and other useful appendages (prehensile tail, tentacle, etc.) ________
Briefly describe your past work history, including any felonious activities and unspeakable acts--like politics.
Check any and all that apply.
01. For this job I am willing to:
__ Learn new skills (computing, filing, dentistry)
__ Degrade myself
__ Work long hours for no pay
__ Wear a tie
02. I can take:
__ Constructive criticism
__ A joke
__ A torch-wielding constable
__ The blood out of this lab coat
__ A bullet
03. I speak:
__ Archaic and fawning English
__ With a lisp
04. I am hunchbacked because of:
__ Deformity from birth
__ A botched execution
__ An injury on the job; i.e., lugging heavy equipment, corpses, etc.
__ A genetic experiment with camel DNA
05. Why did Dr Frankenstein fail?
__ He meddled with things he should have left alone
__ What do you mean, "fail"? The monster lives, doesn't he?
__ Chance (How could he know his creation would be immortal?)
__ Divine judgment
__ It was his assistant's fault, of course.
06. I am capable of making:
__ Plutonium from common household items
__ Repairs and modifications to both atomic- and lightning-powered machinery
__ Flimsy excuses
__ Eleven different death-rays
__ Decent coffee
__ A mess
07. Spell "Igor."