The Gospel of Melvin on Prayer

   Then he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend--I know that's unlikely with this crowd, but just imagine it, okay?--at midnight and says, 'Friend, give me some roast, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.'

   "Will not the one inside argue with him, saying, 'Roast? You wicked, lazy neighbor! If you had asked for two small fish, I might have given it to you, but your request is ridiculous! Verily, you have stretched the meaning of the word “friend”!'

   "Suppose then, that you go to another friend, of whom you have not asked anything of late, and say, 'Friend, give me five loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.'

   "Then the one inside answers, 'Don't bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything. Besides, you still have my rake in your stable.'

   "Will you not answer him, for the hour is exceedingly late, 'How about just three loaves, and I’ll return the rake tomorrow?'

   "I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's audacity he will get up and give him as much as he needs, up to even half of a cantaloupe, so long as he returns his rake."

   "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you–assuming you don’t ask for anything extravagant; sneak and you will be fined; knock at midnight and the inhabitants will send you away empty-handed. For everyone who asks gets receipts; he who sneaks, fined; and to him who knocks, the door will offend.

   "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? You, Sir? Really? Oh wait, I’ve met your son, Judas. He’s one of my disciples, and I couldn’t agree with you, more.  But the rest of you wouldn’t do that. Or if your son asks for an egg, will you give him a scorpion? Okay, but just you. Sir, please put your hand down. If you then, though you are evil–and some of you, whew! Oh boy!--know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give a fine wedge of honeydew to those who ask him! Again, probably not to you, sir."
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Likely should directly follow this section.