Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Gospel of Melvin, Jesus Curses the Fig Tree

Early Monday morning, Jesus was on his way back to the city of Jerusalem, for the purpose of stirring up more trouble at the feast. He was hungry, but had no fresh, crisp melon to eat, (though Melvin had verily tried to sell him one.) Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. (I don't know what he was expecting. It was Passover. There's no figs for two more months. Stupid carpenter!)

Then he said to the tree, "May no one eat figs from you again!" And his disciples heard him say this. Immediately the tree began producing large and beautiful melons. And the boughs were bowed with the weight thereof, and the stems broke asunder so that the fruit was dashed upon the ground. The flies swarmed upon it, and the fruit became inedible. And the tree withered afterward, having borne this unnatural harvest.

When the disciples saw this, they were amazed and asked, "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?"

And he opened his mouth, and began to speak this parable to them, "A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard. He went to look for fruit upon it, but alas there was none! His vines, however, faithfully produced their fruit in their season."

"Year after year this went on, until one day, he said to the tender of the vineyard, 'Cut down this tree, for it does not bear any fruit!' And the tender of the vineyard said, 'I will, sir,' but he did not, for he had no axe with him."

"The next day, the vinedresser went to cut down the fig tree, and behold, it was full of plump, ripe grapes. For, being in a vineyard all those years, it believed that it was a vine. So I say to you, Axe and ye shall receive! Seek and ye shall vine!"  

As referenced a long time ago...

No comments: