What I've learned about prayer from how we often practice it

- The only proper posture for prayer is head-bowed, eyes-closed.

- Prayer is how we get God to do our will.

- Prayer is the method by which God finds out what is going on in the world.

- Prayer is the church gossip and news report.

- "God answers prayer" means God answers prayers with "Yes."

- God needs our prayers in order to do anything in the world.

- Prayer is the religious version of Aladdin's lamp: We call upon God and he appears, "Poof! What do you need?"

- God answers prayers democratically. The request with the most pray-ers gets a Yes vote.

- We have to say "in Jesus' name" at the end of our prayers, because otherwise, we're not asking in Jesus' name, and God will say No.

- We ask religious leaders to pray for us, because they're closer to God and more likely to get a Yes answer.