Somehow, even though I posted the Case of the Stolen Stiff back in 2018, I failed to post my April Fool's Easter sermon from the week before.
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Good Morning Friends! It’s Easter!
Happy Resurrection Day!
There’s colored eggs and baskets filled
With toys and plastic hay.
Is that to feed a plastic horse?
Perhaps a plastic cow?
Is paper grass for paper mules?
Why do we do this now?
(The plastic grass is used to make
A little plastic nest
To hold the plastic eggs, laid by
A rubber chicken, I guess.)
Why bunnies, bunnies everywhere?
Lambs and chicks by the score?
Why hide bright eggs upon the lawn
To be found by the lawn mower?
Because it’s Easter! A festive time!
Trees bud, grass greens and flowers!
Spring springs, days warm & lengthen,
And clocks move forward an hour.
And many people go to church,
Show off new Easter clothes—
Which reminds me of a riddle.
This is the way it goes:
How do you catch an Easter bon?
(Think quickly now! Get on it!)
How do you catch an Easter bon?
With an Easter bon-net!
One Sunday just about this time,
The Sunday School teacher
Asked her students why it was
We celebrated Easter.
One student raised his hand and said,
“That’s when Jesus came out of his tomb,
“And if he sees his shadow, then
“Six more weeks of winter’s gloom!”
He got it almost right, I think.
For Jesus Christ was dead.
Condemned to die, nailed to a cross
With a thorn crown on his head.
But crucifixion is a death
For those who break the law.
For traitors, thieves & murderers:
The worst criminals of all.
And Jesus didn’t break the law
In fact, he never sinned.
It was on trumped-up charges
That Jesus was condemned!
And deeper still, the truth we know:
He died that we might live.
To pay the price for all our sins,
Lost sinners to forgive!
‘Twas no surprise to Jesus!
He’d often said, with a sigh,
“We’re going to Jerusalem,
“And me they’ll crucify.”
But just like Jonah in the whale,
In just three days, you’ll see,
I’ll be out of the grave, again,
Alive as live can be!
A rich follower of Jesus,
From Arimathea came,
To claim his master’s body
And Joseph was his name.
With linen cloth he tightly wrapped
The body of the Lord,
And laid it in his own new tomb,
Rolled a big stone ‘cross the door.
The enemies of Jesus came,
Elders & Pharisees,
“Governor, there’s something you must do
To prevent this Jesus disease!”
“We remember very well,
The words that Jesus said.
He claimed that after 3 days
He would rise up from the dead!”
“We fear that his disciples might
Come steal his body away,
And claim that he rose from the dead,
That’s just what they would say!”
“The masses liked that Jesus guy!
If they think he rose again,
We’d lose respectability--
No longer be important men!”
So Pilate gave them soldiers,
Armed guards to watch the grave.
He put his signet stamp in wax
On the stone that sealed the cave!
Thus Pilate invented Easter Seals,
At Joseph’s tomb that day!
No, that’s not quite right, is it?
Pre-Easter seals, anyway.
The Sabbath day, the day of rest,
The friends of Jesus mourned.
Their king was dead, their friend was gone.
They grieved, alone, forlorn.
They were so down, they weren’t sure if
They ever could look up.
They had forgot, “Destroy this temple,
“In 3 days I’ll raise it up!”
Very early Sunday morning,
With jars of sweet perfume
The women who followed Jesus
Made their sad way to the tomb
To pour aromatic spices on
The graveclothes of their Lord,
To keep the smell of death at bay,
On the one they all adored.
They’d later see it was foretold,
To his death there’d be interruption.
Psalm 16:10, “You won’t allow,
Your holy one to see corruption.”
They thought that Christ’s death was the end,
But they’d made a grave mistake!
An angel came from Heaven, and
The earth began to shake!
The angel rolled the stone away
Which once had sealed the door.
Brave soldiers took one look and then
Fainted, Kerplop! To the floor!
“Don’t be afraid,” the angel said
When the women had arrived,
“I know that you came to see Jesus,
“The one who was crucified.”
“I’m afraid that you just missed him,
“He’s no longer here inside.
“He’s alive and scattering Easter figs
“Across the countryside.”
(I’m just kidding about that last part.)
“He has risen, as he promised.”
“Now quickly go and tell the news
“To Peter, James, and Thomas,”
“And all the rest.” And so they ran,
And who else should they meet?
But Jesus himself, alive!
They fell in worship at his feet.
He told them, as the angel had,
“Fear not, and don’t despair.
“Tell my brothers, Go to Galilee,
“And I will meet them there.”
Jesus is alive! It’s true!
He cannot die again!
Death is defeated for the ones
Who place their trust in Him!
Eternal life is granted us,
Not just in future days
We have unending life right now
To fuel us on our ways!
My favorite Easter riddle
(It’s a groaner. That is true,
But at least I gave you warning)
I will now relate to you.
Why did Jesus stick a flower
In his mashed potatoes?
The answer I will sing, Because:
“Up from the gravy, a rose!”
It’s central to the Christian faith.
Resurrection after the cross.
If Christ did not rise from the dead
Then we are surely lost!
If Jesus, good man that he was,
Didn’t rise as he predicted
He’s a liar, not the Son of God
The Bible has depicted.
His promises he will not keep,
His teachings have no worth,
If he didn’t rise, he’s not the Lord
Of Heaven and of Earth.
We’re built, not on good teachings,
But on relating to that entity.
The resurrection vindicates Him,
And verifies his identity!
But Christ was truly raised to life,
The first of many to come
Our mortality is a genetic ill
Our Lord has overcome.
With Adam as our ancestor,
All of us will surely die
But Jesus begins something new,
His kids will be made alive!
The trumpet’ll one day sound its blast,
And transformed we will be!
We’ll rise to never die again!
Oh Death! Where then your victory?
And so there’s bright-hued Easter eggs
Chocolate bunnies and Peeps, too:
All images of new life,
Which WE have all year through!
An egg looks lifeless as a rock
Its smooth sides do not yield,
Until, one day it opens, Crack!
And new life is revealed!
That’s how it was with Jesus’ tomb,
One day, our graves also.
They’ll open and we’ll be alive,
But we won’t be fluffy and yellow.
We’ve had some fun this morning.
It’s April 1st. Thought I’d be clever.
But Jesus really pulled the best
April fool’s day prank ever!
The devil perhaps thought he’d won,
With Jesus finally dead.
The Pharisees thought, “Problem solved!
We’ll be on top, instead!”
But Jesus refused to stay dead!
With a twinkle in his eyes
He could’ve said, “I’m sorry Boys!
“I’m alive again! Surprise!”
Imagine how the women looked,
Or how amazed the Eleven,
When Jesus said, “It’s me! I’m back!
And I’m opening the way to Heaven!”
How might we live if we believed,
Death holds o’er us no power?
Our sins wiped clean, God’s grace received
To aid us in each hour!
If we’ve been giv’n eternal life,
Full to the very top!
And there is nothing more to fear,
Then what could make us stop
From carrying out our mission
Souls are dying, they must know
The good news: “Jesus loves you,
Wants to save you!” We must go!
New life is being offered!
Oh, receive his gift, I say
New beginnings now await you,
On this Resurrection day!
For If you miss the glorious truth
Of the resurrection, you’ll
Find that, on this Easter Sunday,
YOU are the April Fool!
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