Past Ash Wednesday Victories

Hope to have a new post like these soon.

tip of the yarmulke to Ironic Catholic for the awesome pic.

Ash Wednesday Alternatives, 2008

For the hardcore believers who demand something a little different from their church, we at the brain lab, have come up with a couple more alternative ash imposition ideas. (Yeah, I know. It's too late to actually try 'em this year:

-Set your hair on fire! There's no more worry about your hairdo, AND you'll have ashes on your forehead!

-For the more punk-inclined, there's the temporary tattoo on the forehead. We have two options so far. The first is a nice line drawing of an Ash tree. The second is a large tattoo of the word "ASH" in hues of gray and charcoal.

Last year's alternative ash imposition ideas here.

Comments heard after an Ash Wednesday service last night...

"Are you ashin'?"

"I'm ashin'. Are you ashin'?"

"I'm ashin' with a passion! Are you ashin'?"

"I'm ashin' without compassion! Are you ashin'?"

"Yup! I'm ashin'! Arrogance slashin'! Are you ashin'?"

"I'm ashin'! Extravagance rationed! Are you ashin'?"

"I'm so ashin', it's smashin'!"

"Well, you do look dashin' when you're ashin'. Are you ashin'?"

"Like a plane that's been crashin'! Are you ashin'?"

"No, I'm just really fair-complected."

"Huh? Oh well... How about you? Are you ashin'?"

"I'm ashin' like Magellan eatin' melon!"

"Oh man! You blew it!"

Alternative Ash Wednesday Special

Today, Christians around the world will attend a church service in which they will undergo the imposition of ashes (having ashes smeared upon the forehead as a symbol of mourning, in keeping with the day.) While the typical components used are olive oil and the ashes of palm branches, often last Palm Sunday’s fronds, I want to offer my services to make Ash Wednesday “house calls” for those who desire alternatives to the standard rituals. Here are some of the following alternative ash recipes I can come and impose upon you for your own humility.


-Charcoal and Quaker State 1030: Rich and dark. Popular with NASCAR fans.


-Cigar stub and cooking oil drained from a platter of fish and chips: I call it the C.S. Lewis special.


-Burnt Napkins and Crisco: Especially appropriate if you plan to fast from greasy, fattening foods for Lent. Very popular in the South.


-Burnt toast crumbs & melted margarine: Perfect for those planning on attending a very late service and then going out to breakfast.

-Ashes of fallen leaves and tree branches collected after recent winter storms mixed with WD-40: Potent outdoorsy, masculine scent. Just right for guys who think church isn't macho enough. I'm still waiting on Promise Keepers to adopt this one.
*****

Naturally, I cannot let Ash Wednesday pass by without telling my favorite joke about it. The reverend was giving his Ash Wednesday homily. He told them, “The season of Lent, and Ash Wednesday in particular, is a reminder that we are but dust.” The somber mood was broken when a little girl asked, a bit too loudly, “Daddy, what’s butt dust?”

This happened to fulfill that which is written in humor-blogs.com.