An Atheist's Christmas Song?

I was sitting in Starbucks last night with some friends. I was half-listening to the piped-in holiday music, including "Ocho Kandelas Para Mi" (a Spanish Hannukah tune.) Then, in the midst of all the sacred and secular seasonal songs (and the award for most-annoying S-alliteration goes to...), they played John Lennon's "Imagine"!

This is a holiday song? "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)," I could see, but "Imagine"?! Maybe you can consider it so, as a sort of atheistic call for peace on earth, goodwill t'ward men. However, I don't envision it appearing on my own holyday playlist.

Curmudgenously,
Allen's Brain

I was right about Rudolph!

Regular visitors at the brain lab are, no doubt, guano insane. They may also remember my assertion some time ago that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was actually a Chanukah song!

As it turns out, my theory is that much less far-fetched, thanks to this article!

Appropriately, Johnny Marks--who also wrote "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" and "Holly Jolly Christmas"--was Jewish!

Next time: "Why 'I Have A Little Dreidel' is actually a Good Friday hymn"!

Another Christmas passed, but still...

I have never:

-Ridden in a one-horse open sleigh.
Even though I know it isn't the correct lyrics, I still occasionally hear my mouth form the words "one horse soapin' sleigh." I imagine it's some sort of Victorian-era Zamboni with bars of soap and rags instead of runner blades, used to clean and polish frozen ponds and ice rinks.
I found myself singing the whole line as a question at least twice this year: "Oh, what fun is it to ride in a one horse open sleigh?"

-Decked ANY halls with boughs of holly.
Sure, I've put up holyday greenery around the house and church building, but it's usually of the coniferous evergreen variety--and always artificial, to the best of my recollection. Now, there may have been some plastic holly sprigs on candle arrangements or something, but entire boughs? No.
I still sing it "boodjuhs of holly," after the animated Little Rascals Christmas special from my childhood.

-Roasted chestnuts on an open fire.
In college, and since then, I have sung it,

"Jack Frost roasting on an open fire.

Chestnuts nipping at your nose.

Hog-tied Harold being hung by a choir

Composed of angry Eskimos that everybody knows.

Beef jerky and a wounded toe

Help to make the season blight.

Tater tots with a nuclear glow

Make it hard to sleep at night..."

-Told ghost stories at Christmas time.

"There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago." So says the song, "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year." I've never found that to be part of my holyday activities.

I do give a listen to Patrick Stewart's reading of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" every year recently, so maybe that counts.

And... to be inclusive, I guess...

-Made a dreidel out of clay.

I've made them out of cardboard. I've played with plastic ones and wood ones. I have seen kits online for clay dreidel-making kits, but I've never made one.

~sigh~ Maybe next year.

Must read/sing at Ironic Catholic

A new Hanukkah song has been born, and a whooping, hollering, hootenanny of a song it is, too!
Thank God I'm A Maccabee! And Thank God there's an IC!

... in accordance with the prophecy!

In a previous post about the bizarre Santa dreidel, I joked, "What's next? A menorah made of reindeer candle holders?"



Today, I got an email from Jews for Jesus, advertising their download-able holyday artwork, which was both Christmas- and Hanukkah-influenced. And what did I see there?



It would seem that someone got jealous of Rudolph's shiny nose.

Here's the download page for this one and another less-weird picture.

Rudolph, a Chanukah Carol

In a post last year, I hinted that "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" seems more like a Chanukah story than a Christmas one. Further investigation and analysis of the song indicates that I was right.
-----

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose,
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say it glows.

Rudolph–probably Reuben, in reality (more on that later)–is different from the rest. He’s a reindeer, so he is of the same species, but he’s a "red-nosed" reindeer. This hints at a racial difference. Rudolph is actually Reuben, a Jew living in a world filled with goyim from which he stands out as a Jew.

Additionally, reading the Hasmonean period through the lenses of the Third Reich era, Reuben is distinguished from his neighbors most noticeably by his rather prominent schnoz. This national and religious heritage stands out–shining as a "light to the gentiles." You could even say his exemplary Jewishness "glows."

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names.

The goyim (lit. "nations." the gentiles) in the Hellenistic era mercilessly mocked the Jews, and pressured them to become part of the Greek culture. The Hebrew idiom "to call a name," indicates naming someone like you would name a child or pet. This is not mere mockery, they are pushing Reuben to alter even his name to become part of the surrounding culture. Hence, they "call him a name," i.e. coerce him to change his name to, Rudolph.

They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games.

Because of the fact that the Olympic-style games were played in the nude, Jews would not compete, and those who did had to go to ridiculous surgical measures to reverse or conceal the marks of their–um–masculine Jewishness.

Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say,
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright,
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?"

"Santa": the Holy One, blessed be He, is HASHEM himself, speaking through brave Judas Maccabee. Because of his passion for Jewish distinctiveness, Reuben (still called, "Rudolph," to hint at the extent to which Hellenistic culture had infiltrated even among the most devout of God’s people) is called to join in the revolution. An implicit pun refers to the bold and daring acts of battle under cover of darkness: "Won’t you guide my slay tonight?"

Additionally, the bright nose hints at the miracle of the oil. "Nose" has four letters. Yet, in the song, it is called both "shiny" and "bright." Hence, we double the letters in "nose" (lamp) and get eight, for the eight nights that the oil lasted to "light the way" in the reclaimed temple. A great miracle happened there, indeed!

Then how the reindeer loved him,
And they shouted out with glee,
"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
You’ll go down in history!"

The celebration of Chanukah for eight nights celebrates the brave stance taken by the Maccabees and the joy of reclaiming and rededicating the temple.

For Chrismukkah, I suppose

I don't know. I'm not technically Jewish, but this seems pretty darn offensive to me--especially for a holiday that celebrates the right to be distinctive from the dominant culture!

What's next? A menorah made of reindeer candle holders?

And here's the description . . .

-Why choose? Get the best of both worlds!
-Spin with Santa
-Makes a great gift!

Celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah with this 2 3/4-inch tall wooden Santa Dreidel. Imagine the fun you'll have playing the dreidel game by the light of the menorah while you wait for Santa to climb down the chimney with his sack full of gifts! Each side features a different Christmas symbol (Santa, Christmas Tree, Candy Cane, and Reindeer). Sure to confound and confuse both Jews and Gentiles!

And because I know that I can't stop you for buying a set for me, here you go.

Shammos the Red-Nosed Reindeer, or Here Comes Menorah Claus!

Eight tiny reindeer & a ninth helper reindeer that gives light to the others: How is this NOT a Chanukkah story?

I'm subbing Jr Hi Bible again today. Maybe we'll sing the dreidel song in study hall.

Read last year's post on the place of the menorah in Chanukkah.

Coming soon to a theater near you this Hanukkah season!

I didn't create this, but I wish I had.

On The Menorah

Rumors of my demise are highly exaggerated (disappointingly so, for some,) and also started by me.
I would tell you that I was fasting from blogging for a few days, but that seems to violate Jesus' instructions about fasting not being a public display for everyone to look at you and congratulate you for your great spirituality. So I won't tell you that. Additionally, it isn't true, so...
Truthfully, I just let my priorities get out of whack, letting things like church activities and ministry opportunities (but mostly Christms shopping) replace what was really important--regular updates to this blog!

Okay. Now about the menorah. The menorah is that lampstand with the 7 lamps in the tabernacle/temple, and it also refers to the one with 8 lamps that you see around Hanukkah. The 8 lights represent, as the previous post "Happy 5th Night of Chanukkah" states, the 8 nights that the container of oil lasted. These 8 nights also provided the time required to make more consecrated oil to light the menorah. And so, the 8 lights are a witness that--as the dreidel alludes--"Nes Gadol Hayah Sham," "A Great Miracle Happened There."
Astute observers of holiday menorahs will note that there are often not eight candles, but nine! The ninth candle, usually elevated above the others is called the Shammos, or Servant candle. As the name implies, the Shammos is lit first and used to light the other candles kindled that night.
Messianic Jews look at this interesting phenomenon, and see in it a picture of Jesus. Jesus is the Servant of the Lord (as in Isaiah) who came "to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."(Mat 20:28) Additionally, he is the light of the world (Jn 8:12,) and "The true light which gives life to every man." (Jn 1:9) And just as it is from the Shammos that the other candles receive their light, it is from Jesus that we receive the light of our witness!

Happy Fifth Night of Chanukkah!

"The purpose of the celebration of Hanukkah is to welcome the Messiah. Peace is the Messiah. We light candles of peace to renew our faith in the ultimate triumph of peace over war. And we rededicate ourselves and our efforts to bringing this about."

--Rabbi Yaakov Bar Nachman, The Hanukkah Haggadah,

(San Francisco: Barah Books, 1986), p. 17.

The events of Hanukkah took place during the 400-year period between the writing of the last book of Hebrew Scriptures and the first book of the New Testament.

The Jewish people were under Persian rule until Alexander defeated the Persians in 331 B.C. Ten years later Alexander died and his kingdom was divided among his generals. While all of them were Greek, they were far from harmonious. Syria was under the Seleucids and Egypt under the Ptolemies. Judea was caught in between.

The system of government for Jews changed under Greek rule. The Persians had been content to place a governor in Israel who primarily concerned himself with enforcing imperial civil laws and the payment of taxes. The Greek conquerors demanded compliance and conformity in religious practices as well. For the better part of the 3rd century B.C., the Jewish people were under the domination of the Greco-Egyptians. With the Persians, a foreign governor had been installed, but not so with the Ptolemies. Instead, the High Priest of Israel served as both political ruler and religious representative.

Along with this greater degree of self-rule came pressure to conform to Greek ways. This gave rise to political factions in Judea; some were more disposed to the Greco-Syrians, others to the Greco-Egyptians. Wars were frequent and eventually the Syrians conquered the Jewish land. The Seleucids were even more dedicated to inculcating Greek culture and customs on the people than the Egyptians. In order to conform, Jews adopted Greek names, wore Greek-style garments and adopted Greek ways.

Antiochus IV was the Syrian ruler. He called himself "Epiphanes" (the visible god). The now corrupted position of High Priest had been assumed by a Hellenized Jew, Jason, formerly called Joshua. Jason was considered a "moderate" Hellenist and so he was replaced by an even more Hellenistic Menelaus (formerly Menachem).

The Persians had only wanted tribute from the Jewish people. The Greek successors to Alexander, especially Antiochus IV, held to a belief in the superiority of the Greek way of life and wanted much more. Hellenism encouraged intellectual pursuits and a polite, highly civilized society, but it also involved idolatry and exalted the wisdom of mankind.

The Hellenists had nothing but disdain for the Jewish religion and the Jewish way of life, and they set about to "civilize" the people of Judea by forcing them into the Greek mold. Only those who would renounce the "old ways" and embrace the new, including the worship of Greek gods, could have a place in this idealized Greek society. "Whoever refuses should be put to death," it was decreed. And many were. This rejection of Hellenism infuriated the Syrian king and we read in I Maccabees of the persecution that ensued:

The Books of the Law which they (the Hellenists) found, they tore into pieces and burned. Wherever a book of the covenant was found in anyone's possession, or if anyone respected the Law, the decree of the king imposed the sentence of death upon him. Month after month, they dealt brutally with every Israelite who was found in the cities… In accordance with the decree, they put to death the women who had circumcised their children, hanging the newborn babies around their necks; and they also put to death their families as well as those who had circumcised them…

The Holy Temple was defiled. The golden altar, the candlesticks and all the gold and silver utensils were looted from the Temple and desecrated. And to show his utter contempt for Judaism, Antiochus offered a sow on the altar to honor the Greek god, Zeus.

During these dark times of devastation, it is said that Mattathias, an elderly priest from Modin, defied a Syrian soldier who ordered him to bow down to an idol. Instead he struck down the soldier and fled from the city to the hills of Judea. With his five sons and a few other faithful Jews, Mattathias formed a band of guerrilla fighters. They were faithful to the God of Israel and would not countenance Greek idolatry and, in zealous contempt, rejected Greek culture. They were called Hasmoneans, though no one seems to know how that name came about. Unlike the other Jewish resistance fighters, they believed that for self-defense purposes, it was permissible to fight on the Sabbath. Until this time, the Greeks could prevail by ordering their attack on the Sabbath.

This guerrilla company was valiantly successful in its skirmishes with the Syrian soldiers. The rebels grew in number and in the ability to fight, inflicting great damage on the Syrian forces with their "hit and run" tactics. According to the account in the extrabiblical writings, Mattathias died within a year of their formation and his son Judah took charge. He was called "Maccabee," "hammer," for it was said that he was God's hammer to smash the Syrians.

History and legend seem interwoven, but as best as we can piece it together, there were three years of fighting, surprise attacks, night raids and ambushes by these tough Jewish fighters.

Antiochus sent his ablest general, Lysias, to destroy the Hasmoneans. From their mountain camp, a war-worn group of 3,000 Jewish fighters watched as 47,000 Syrian soldiers marched across the plain to engage them in battle. As the story goes, the faithful band of Maccabees, with God on their side, vanquished the Syrians at Emmaus. Judah Maccabee marched into Jerusalem and set about to purify the Temple. Idols were torn down, and the altar which had been defiled with the sacrifice of pigs was dismantled and a new one built. New holy vessels were crafted. A date was set for the rededication of the Temple-the 25th of Kislev, the same day on which, three years earlier, Antiochus had issued his decree.

Tradition says that when Judah offered prayers of dedication in the Temple in 165 B.C., only one vessel of sanctified oil was found--enough for one day. Miraculously, it burned for eight days. This is remembered by the kindling of lights for eight days.

Because you wouldn't want to forget...

Stock up on that Hanukkah gelt! Send all extras to IT CAME FROM ALLEN'S BRAIN!, care of the address that is scrolling along at the bottom of your screen.

Have a Hanukkah, Jolly Christmas?

Found these cute little dreidels, and just knew that they'd be perfect Christmas ornaments! Just gotta attach some string loops with hot glue. Despite the picture size, they're actually only an inch or two long. Those handles that seem really long? They're actually just long enough for your finger and thumb to pick them up and spin them.

The dreidel is part of a game. You spin the top, and the Hebrew letters on the sides tell you what to do. However, they take on a more spectacular meaning when viewed together.

Nun, Gimel, Hey, and Shin also stand for "Neys Gadol Hayah Sham," "A great miracle happened there." The sentence refers to the miracle of the eight nights that the temple menorah shone (more on that in a later post,) but for a Christian celebrating the birth of Christ, what better message about that miracle in Bethlehem--when the Light of the World came and "pitched his tent among us, and we beheld his glory"(Jn 1:14)?