Mat 25 redux

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory and all the angels with him, he will sit back in his glorious Lazy-Boy and sigh contentedly. And all the nations shall be gathered before him, and quite a few unincorporated provinces, I should think. He shall separate the people as Moe separates Curly from Larry. Curly to his right (since sheep wool is curly) and Larry to his left, saying "Spread out!"

And he shall say to the Curlies, "Come on, you beloved Knuckleheads, receive your inheritance, for you read “The Purpose-Driven Life” in its entirety and helped organize a “Forty Days of Purpose” meeting at your church; You attended church every time the door was open; You gave better than 10% in the offering plate. You wore Christian t-shirts and wristbands; you listened only to Christian radio; and got your eschatology completely right! Come and share this half a sandwich."

And the Curlies will say, “Oh! Wiseguy, eh? What about all that feeding the hungry and clothing the naked and visiting the shut-ins?”

And King Moe will say to them, “Yeah, that stuff’s good, too, but all those things I listed let me know you were really sincere—and that’s what I value most!”

Then Moe will say to those on his left, “Take off, you Numbskulls! You weren’t even superficially religious! What kind of televangelistic Christians are you, anyway?”

And the Larries will say to him in that day, “Well gee, Moe, we’re sorry. We were so busy impacting the world by loving the unloved and unlovely, we didn’t really have time to buy Christian t-shirts or to read humor-blogs.com.”

And Moe will reply, “As much as you did those things to the least of these brothers of mine (Shemp, in other words) you were doing it to me—and what I really wanted was the big-ticket items. And besides, I don’t like your face.”

And the Larries will go on to career obscurity, and the Curlies, to be replaced by Joe Besser.

Afterwards, Jesus’ disciples came to him and said, “Lord, explain to us the parable of the Larries and the Curlies.” And he said to them, “Never stay up all night watching Three Stooges shorts without adequate coffee before blogging.”