Monday, May 21, 2007

(less than) Helpful Hints for Being More Like Jesus

  • Learn to walk on water (This is especially helpful when you’re golfing and the ball lands in the water hazard.)
  • Feed 5,000+ people with a Happy Meal. Then, prepare to either be sued by McDonald's or be asked to be in their next TV ad.
  • Pay a bill entirely with money taken from the mouths of fish you've caught.
  • When asked a question, respond by telling a cryptic story.
  • Wreck a church/synagogue bazaar by showing up and trashing the place.
  • Spend more time with your fishing buddies.
  • Gain the secret of turning water into wine. This will make you very popular at parties. If that fails, you can always fall back on “Time to go turn some wine into water,” after an evening of drinking.
  • Cure a variety of diseases in a variety of ways, none of which involve the sentence “Take two of these and call me in the morning.”
  • Offend members of the Religious Right. Repeatedly. (Some of you are enjoying this one a bit too much.)
  • Start your own religion.
  • Get people to swear using your name.

Tomorrow: How to be more like Moses!

What we really want to know is how to be more like!


The Ironic Catholic said...

VERY funny. I'm linking this!

Although the "offend members of the religious right" could just as easily be "Offend members of the religious right. And left. Heck, offend just about anyone who 'counts'."

Allen said...

Heh! So true!
He ticked off Pharisees AND Sadducees! High Priest AND Pilate & Herod.
And he offends me sometimes, too--which is when I know I need to repent.

Thanks for the linkage!