Friday, June 22, 2007

Chapter 21: Send In The Artillery!

“Get me General Zation!” I repeated. The phone connection was terrible. “Yes, that’s right--Zation! General I. Zation, to be specific! And tell him it’s important!"

Several uncomfortable minutes later, I was connected with General Ignatius Zation.

“Hello, General. Do you remember Luxembourg, 1943? Well, I’m calling in that favor, now, Sir. We have something over here you won’t believe, and we need all the firepower you can spare! And don’t worry, this target’s too large to miss.”

Before long, the valley was filled with an olive green convoy of National Guard jeeps, personnel carriers, howitzers, Sherman tanks, hydrogen tanks, fish tanks and T’anks for the Memories… They roared in to form a semi-circle to the south of the creature.

The sudden increase in activity irritated the monster like a mob of perky people in the early morning. It turned its great slimy bulbous head and stamped toward the cheerful olive drab pests. Suddenly, the beast stopped short, unable to see them because of their camouflage paint job. It hissed angrily.

The olive smudge began barking at the creature, and with the loud reports came a swarm of stinging insects and lots of white smoke. Though its mind may have been stunted by mutation, the thing still knew that smoke meant fire, and fire meant danger and pain! Unwilling to flee, the altruistic beast pressed forward to eliminate the source of the harsh smoke, which was burning its eyes and throat. If only it had tried the new Camel, now in soothing menthol!

As the creature drew closer, it could again see the individual green nuisances, some of which were occasionally flashing brightly and releasing more flying insects to bite and sting. With a wet snarl, the beast stretched forth a broad, sucker-covered tentacle and swept aside a tank, two jeeps, a howitzer—which jammed and continued to fire automatically into the amassed artillery brigade to its immediate east—and an untold number of shouting soldiers. Blind animal rage increasing, the creature slashed westward with its appendage.

“Fall back!” ordered General Zation.
This chapter of Night of the Java Beast has been brought to you by and Camel, now with soothing menthol to ease your T-zone. That’s “T” for “Taste” and “T” for “Throat”! Try a Camel!

The uninitiated may wish to read chapters 22 and 23.
The management here at the lab has asked me to clarify that ICFAB does not endorse the use of tobacco products. Even soothing menthol ones.

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