The Mad Scientist and NPR

My local National Public Radio affiliate is holding their pledge drive this week. Usually, radio stations offer mugs or tote bags or something as an incentive for donating larger sums of money to the station.

This year, they are offering to plant trees if you give X-amount of dollars. They're touting this as a good thing to do for the environment as well as for the arts (Art Blakey, Art Carney, Art Fonzarelli, etc.) Maybe if you donate enough, you can offset your carbon footprint.

Here is my concern. As the brain of a diabolical genius in a jar, my brilliance and rage combine to create within me a desire to wreak havoc and destruction upon the earth. I'm wondering, can I donate the alloted amount of money to the station, and have them uproot a tree? Can a sizeable enough donation acquire the destruction of a whole forest? I want to increase carbon-dioxide levels on the planet. My latest race of Asparagus-Men need higher levels of CO2 to thrive and eventually help me overtake the world! Nothing can stand in my way! Nothing must be allowed to!

Hello? NPR pledge central?