Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Allen's Brain proposes a solution to the "Merry Christmas" debate

Every year, people complain about how early the Christmas shopping season arrives. There seems to be a race to see how soon after Independence Day a store can begin decorating for Christmas without seeming completely insane. And every year, someone alters the definition of "insane."

What I'm noticing this year is that the increasing earliness of holiday decorating and holiday muzak in stores has added one more plague to the season. The earlier stores begin their Christmas sales items, the earlier folks like the AFA can begin calling for boycotts of stores that don't use the word "Christmas" in their advertising!

I really don't care whether you wish me a Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, or Merry ChanuChristmakwanzaa! I do not feel insulted or persecuted merely because someone called their artificial pine trees "Family Trees" instead of "Christmas Trees"! I don't remember one in the Nativity story anyway, do you? To be honest, the further we separate Jesus' birth from marketing frenzies, the happier I'll be!

Here's my solution to the "Wish me a Merry Christmas or else, you godless heathen Scumbag!" issue. Simply misspell the word "holiday" as "holyday." As my astute readers already know, the word "holiday" comes from "holy day." It is ignorance of the English language that feeds this frenzy to rid our society of this word in description of what is a holy day and holy season indeed!

So, to remind everyone of this, and keep annoyed ultra-conservatives at bay, simply wish them a "Happy Holydays," or post the misspelling in your advertising and correspondence. 80% of readers who notice will just assume you can't spell, and a large percentage of those who hear you use this greeting will assume you're from India ("Happy Holydays! Please come again.)

There! Problem solved! Now to go fix that pesky Easter Egg issue by drawing lines around the middle of the eggs, and explaining that they represent the Greek letter theta, the first letter in "theos," "God."

Hanging teeny dreidels on my tree this year,
-Allen's Brain

No comments: