Monday, March 02, 2009

A voice speaks from the shadows...

I was absent-minded all last week. I was also absent. This blog is becoming a tattered shred of its former glory (if it can truly be said to ever have had any.) My excuse this time is that I was attending a Mad Scientists Convention. As it turns out, this was not a gathering place for--as I had assumed--diabolical geniuses in the fields of medicine, genetics, atomic energy, and the like. No, in fact, these were mainstream workers in science who were simply angry. To my chagrin, what they were mostly angry about were mad scientists of the other variety.

I was all set to deliver my paper "Atomically-Enhanced Anthropomorphic Vegetables: Why Don't Rural Villagers Like Them?" with a brilliant excursus on my work with the asparagus people, when someone flung a test tube at my jar! Very unprofessional, but who could blame the occasional jealous non-traditional botanist?

However, after the third pocket protector laced with a mysterious yellow powder bounced off my lid, I realized that these were people who maintained inside-the-box thinking, and would never truly appreciate my contributions to the advancement of human knowledge. Fools! I'd shown them! I'd shown them all! And still they remained persistently close-minded! Why not just fling us back to the Dark Ages, you Cretins!
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We have fixed the leaking cracks in Allen's brain jar. We are binding our wounds, and intend to return, stronger than before. A debt of gratitude is owed to the Atomic Lizard-Men for their aid in this recent skirmish. Without their assistance, we might all have ended up as a side dish to a talking steak.
--The Asparagus People,
known from now on as
The Asparagustersons

1 comment:

HMSnow said...

"Asparagustersons." Hmm. Sounds Scandinavian. They might do well in Minnesota. (Particularly if they took up bathing in butter...)

But then again, we do have a lot of rural villagers. It could go either way.