Thursday, March 08, 2012

"All God's Children" soap opera parody for Purim 2012

Narrator: We now return to “All God’s Children”:

(Mordecai is crying loudly, “We’re all gonna die!” “What’ll we do?” etc, while wearing a paper bag on/over his head)

Esther: Mordecai, what are you doing?

Mordecai: Can’t you see I’m in mourning?

Esther: But it’s 3 in the afternoon!

Mordecai: No! Not “morning”! “Mourning”!

Esther: I–still don’t understand.

Mordecai: I’m grieving! Can’t you see I’m wearing sackcloth? (Indicates paper bag)

Esther: Oh, I wondered about that. But what are you so upset about?

Mordecai: Haven’t you heard? I have less than a year to live! (Dramatic pause)

Esther: (gasp!)

Mordecai: We all do! Haman has convinced the king to have the Jews annihilated! Eradicated! Killed off, even!

Esther: That’s horrible! I wish there was something I could do!

Mordecai: There is. Esther, you’ve got to go to His Highness, and plead for mercy for our people!

Esther: I would, but–you don’t just go see Xerxes uninvited! He has to call YOU. And he executes unwelcome visitors!

Mordecai: But you’re his wife!

Esther: I know. But the truth is (sniff), our marriage hasn’t been going well. He hasn’t asked to see me in a month! I think there may be–another woman! (Covers face and sobs)

Mordecai: Esther, you have to try! If you don’t, God will still work out a way to save his people, but don’t think just because you live in the palace, you’ll be spared.

Esther: But I’ve followed your instructions. I never told anyone I’m Jewish!

Mordecai: Esther, you light Sabbath candles. You only eat kosher. Someone’s bound to figure it out eventually. Maybe you have come into your royal position for just such a time as this!

Esther: Okay, I’ll do it! But for the next three days, have all the Jews pray and go without food. Then I’ll go see the king. And if I die, I die.

Mordecai: Three days with no food? That’s a long time!

Esther: Don’t worry. It’ll be a FAST three days!
Narrator: Next time, on “All God’s Children”:

King: What is your request, My Queen?

Esther: Ummmm...


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