Dear Diary,
When God first sent us this "bread from heaven," we called it "manna," which means "What is this stuff?" Weeks and months later, we're all asking ourselves "What is this stuff good for?" Sure, ya grind the manna pellets to flour and ya make bread with them. But that gets old. Manna pancakes for breakfast. Manna patties for lunch. Manna biscuits with manna gravy for supper, and manna cake for desert!
Just once, I'd like to wake up and have something else to eat besides manna! You know, like -- Well, I'm sure we could think of something...
*****
Hey Moses! Whatcha doin'?
Yes, I can see that you are writing. Very nice penmanship, by the way. What I meant was, what are you writing down? More burning bush stories?
Oh. Well, look, Moses -- just so we're clear about this -- the golden calf was not my idea!
Well... yeah. I did suggest the eyebrows would add a look of majesty to it, but I just wanted to -- you know -- support local artists, and all that...
Yes, I think we all agree, in retrospect, it was a very bad thing to do!
So, ya got a name for this book yet?
The Ten what? Commandments? Huh. Okay.
Well, sure, I like it alright, I guess. But do you think anyone's gonna want to the movie rights to something with THAT title?
*****
Okay, kids! Let's sing a song. What'll it be?
Manna in the morning,
Manna in the evening,
Manna at supper time...
Well, that certainly has possibilities! What? Sing what now?
Hava Nagi-what?
Nah, I've never heard of that one.
*****
Dear Diary,
Finally, a break from the mann-otony! (heh-heh)
Moses says it's time to celebrate Passover! Finally we get some meat! And herbs! Do you suppose we'll be having manna matzoh?
*****
Showing posts with label B'Midbar Diaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label B'Midbar Diaries. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
B'Midbar Diaries 2
Dear Diary,
The inter-tribal beach valley ball tournament was very exciting -- while it lasted. Everything was going quite well until team Levi lost, and we had to stop using the tabernacle courtyard curtain as a net. No one else can go back there, y'know. I guess it's a good thing, though. The whole thing seemed to be making Moses and Aaron pretty nervous. And when Moses gets nervous, it's "Hello, plagues!"
At any rate, we'll have a formidable beach valley ball team, should we ever meet up with any other nations. Moses keeps dropping hints about the Canaanites being the ones to defeat in the Promised Land, so that sounds promising.
*****
Okay, kids, that's enough picking on one another! Let's play a game. No, really! It'll be fun! This is called the alephbet game. You go through the letters of the alephbet, and try to find things around you that begin with that letter. Okay, here we go!
Aleph! What begins with aleph? That's right! Aleph (cattle, oxen) begins with aleph!
How about Beth? Yes! Beth-Israel! (house of Israel) They're certainly all around us, aren't they? No such thing as privacy here, is there? Why, you can't even say something in your own tent without your inlaws and five other families hearing you! Boy, I tell you what --
Huh? Oh... right... the game. Gimel! What begins with gimel? Very good, Rachael! Gamal (camel) begins with gimel! Kinda looks like one, too, doesn't it?
*****
Dear Diary,
Leprosy is an incredibly icky disease! I wouldn't wish that on anybody! Note to self: remind the family to never make fun of Moses' wife!
The inter-tribal beach valley ball tournament was very exciting -- while it lasted. Everything was going quite well until team Levi lost, and we had to stop using the tabernacle courtyard curtain as a net. No one else can go back there, y'know. I guess it's a good thing, though. The whole thing seemed to be making Moses and Aaron pretty nervous. And when Moses gets nervous, it's "Hello, plagues!"
At any rate, we'll have a formidable beach valley ball team, should we ever meet up with any other nations. Moses keeps dropping hints about the Canaanites being the ones to defeat in the Promised Land, so that sounds promising.
*****
Okay, kids, that's enough picking on one another! Let's play a game. No, really! It'll be fun! This is called the alephbet game. You go through the letters of the alephbet, and try to find things around you that begin with that letter. Okay, here we go!
Aleph! What begins with aleph? That's right! Aleph (cattle, oxen) begins with aleph!
How about Beth? Yes! Beth-Israel! (house of Israel) They're certainly all around us, aren't they? No such thing as privacy here, is there? Why, you can't even say something in your own tent without your inlaws and five other families hearing you! Boy, I tell you what --
Huh? Oh... right... the game. Gimel! What begins with gimel? Very good, Rachael! Gamal (camel) begins with gimel! Kinda looks like one, too, doesn't it?
*****
Dear Diary,
Leprosy is an incredibly icky disease! I wouldn't wish that on anybody! Note to self: remind the family to never make fun of Moses' wife!
Monday, October 01, 2012
The B'Midbar Diaries
A Sukkot week special
*****
Dear Diary,
(Honey! Is "diary" spelled with one "yod" or two?)
I love the freedom from slavery! I love camping out under the stars. But after week number three, it's beginning to get old. Really, really old! I hate the blazing sun! I hate the sand -- which gets into everything and into places you don't ever recall exposing to the open air. I hate the stinky goat hair tent! And the sand fleas! I LOATHE the sand fleas! If Moses and Aaron had told me, "Come with us on vacation, and experience the wonder of sand fleas," I'd have stayed in Egypt!
*****
Hey, Moses! Yeah, back here, in the Issachar section! Hi. Um, look, I love the beach as much as the next guy, but are you aware that we left the sea behind us weeks ago?
Well, yes, I know we were slaves, but--
And the promised land. Right. Er, does it have a sea? Ah, thanks. And how long before we get there?
Uh huh. Y'know, back in Egypt, we had--
*****
Dear Diary,
Don't mention Egypt. Moses' invisible friend, God, doesn't like it.
Also, being swallowed alive by the earth looks like no fun at all.
*****
Okay kids! Let's play "I Spy!" Hannah, you want to go first? Okay...
I spy, with my little eye, right. Something that is--what? Oh, tan. Um... could it be... the sand?
It is? So, my turn now? Okay. I spy, with my little eye, something that is dark tan.
That's right! It's that slightly-darker patch of sand over there!
Wha? You're tired of I Spy, already? What, Simeon? Sure! What do you wanna sing? Sigh. Really? Sigh. Okay: (to the tune of "The Wheels On The Bus")
"The wheels on the chariots fall right off,
"Fall right off. Fall right off.
"The wheels on the chariots fall right off.
"(and) All th'Egyptians drowned!"
"The chariot's horses go neigh, neigh--Glug!
"Neigh, neigh--Glug! Neigh, neigh--Glug!
"The chariot's horses go neigh, neigh--Glug!
"(and) All th'Egyptians drowned!"
*****
Say, Moses? Are you sure you know where you're going?
He's leading us in the cloud? Well, how can you be sure you're following the right cloud?
No, I don't see any other clouds around. Good point, there... ahem.
Hey, Moses? Uh, while we're on the subject. Y'know how that cloud becomes a fire at night and sits over the Tent of Meeting? Look, could you tell God to be careful with that fire? I mean, it's really dry out here, and that tent could go right up in smoke -- and it was kinda hard to build!
Hmm? Well, sure! I KNOW he's God and all, but fire is fire, and -- Oh yeah?
With a bush, you say? Huh! Never heard that before! And it didn't burn up? That's kinda interesting! You should be writing this stuff down! It'd make for good reading later on -- Oh, you are?
*****
Dear Diary,
(Honey! Is "diary" spelled with one "yod" or two?)
I love the freedom from slavery! I love camping out under the stars. But after week number three, it's beginning to get old. Really, really old! I hate the blazing sun! I hate the sand -- which gets into everything and into places you don't ever recall exposing to the open air. I hate the stinky goat hair tent! And the sand fleas! I LOATHE the sand fleas! If Moses and Aaron had told me, "Come with us on vacation, and experience the wonder of sand fleas," I'd have stayed in Egypt!
*****
Hey, Moses! Yeah, back here, in the Issachar section! Hi. Um, look, I love the beach as much as the next guy, but are you aware that we left the sea behind us weeks ago?
Well, yes, I know we were slaves, but--
And the promised land. Right. Er, does it have a sea? Ah, thanks. And how long before we get there?
Uh huh. Y'know, back in Egypt, we had--
*****
Dear Diary,
Don't mention Egypt. Moses' invisible friend, God, doesn't like it.
Also, being swallowed alive by the earth looks like no fun at all.
*****
Okay kids! Let's play "I Spy!" Hannah, you want to go first? Okay...
I spy, with my little eye, right. Something that is--what? Oh, tan. Um... could it be... the sand?
It is? So, my turn now? Okay. I spy, with my little eye, something that is dark tan.
That's right! It's that slightly-darker patch of sand over there!
Wha? You're tired of I Spy, already? What, Simeon? Sure! What do you wanna sing? Sigh. Really? Sigh. Okay: (to the tune of "The Wheels On The Bus")
"The wheels on the chariots fall right off,
"Fall right off. Fall right off.
"The wheels on the chariots fall right off.
"(and) All th'Egyptians drowned!"
"The chariot's horses go neigh, neigh--Glug!
"Neigh, neigh--Glug! Neigh, neigh--Glug!
"The chariot's horses go neigh, neigh--Glug!
"(and) All th'Egyptians drowned!"
*****
Say, Moses? Are you sure you know where you're going?
He's leading us in the cloud? Well, how can you be sure you're following the right cloud?
No, I don't see any other clouds around. Good point, there... ahem.
Hey, Moses? Uh, while we're on the subject. Y'know how that cloud becomes a fire at night and sits over the Tent of Meeting? Look, could you tell God to be careful with that fire? I mean, it's really dry out here, and that tent could go right up in smoke -- and it was kinda hard to build!
Hmm? Well, sure! I KNOW he's God and all, but fire is fire, and -- Oh yeah?
With a bush, you say? Huh! Never heard that before! And it didn't burn up? That's kinda interesting! You should be writing this stuff down! It'd make for good reading later on -- Oh, you are?
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