Yom Kippur post

On this, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar--a day of fasting and repentance--I repent for blog-fasting; i.e. not having a real post. Instead, here is my Yom Kippur post from last year: A Blogger's Viddui Ashamnu.

Perhaps I should add this year: "I have entertained foolish notions. I thought about voting for someone besides Head/Brain in this election."

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And don't forget, the ever-popular Virtual Kapparot Chicken!

A Blogger’s Vidui Ashamnu

In preparation for Yom Kippur, which starts at sundown today, I have prepared a version of the ashamnu confessional prayer geared for bloggers:
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We have been guilty. We have eaten non-kosher snacks in a flurry of blog-posting. Additionally, we have stuffed our faces while responding to our readers’ comments without saying the blessing before or after.

We have betrayed. We have failed to thank a fellow blogger for sending us something we can use in our blog, and have never returned the favor.

We have stolen. We have posted articles and lists to our blogs which we found elsewhere, and have not credited the source, passing it off as our own. We have slightly modified another blogger’s post and passed it off as our work.

We have spoken hypocritically. We have condemned behavior in our blogs that we ourselves are guilty of. We have flattered a fellow blogger, and secretly harbored ill will against him or her.

We have caused upright people to sin. We have posted salacious pictures and comments that cause even a good person to stumble. We have, by our biting comments stirred up hatred in others’ hearts.

We have encouraged the perpetuation of evil. We have turned a blind eye to flame wars in our comments windows and have, even jokingly, promoted the continuation of evil practices.

We have evil hearts. We have scorned those whom we rightly ought to have honored. We have not given proper acknowledgment to those who have enriched us, both physically and spiritually.

We have become violent. We have engaged in flame wars. We have emailed viruses to bloggers we don’t like. We have used our computer skills to corrupt the code on their site.

We have attached lies. We have advertised items with misleading images and/or descriptions. We have retold a story in such a way that our guilt in the matter is covered.

We have advised evil. We've given out bad advice to our readers.

We have lied. We have blatantly expressed untrue things. We have passed along Internet rumors and hoaxes without ever consulting snopes.com! This, say the sages, is tantamount to willful deception.

We have scoffed. We have willfully broken the few rules and guidelines established by the blogging network with which we are affiliated, because they cramped our style.

We have rebelled. We have shown utter disregard for any rules or guidelines, and have treated them as if they did not, in fact, exist.

We have been scornful of the Holy One. We have caused G-D to become angry with us by posting sacrilegious or blasphemous things in our blogs. We have sworn falsely or broken vows by stating that we will continue a discussion or story and never doing so.

We have been disobedient. The blogging covenant implies that we shall post regularly, and we have violated this, becoming too wrapped up in our offline lives to post at least once a week.

We have been perverse. We have treated our readers with contempt by not posting anything for weeks at a time without so much as an “I’m taking a little break” notice, just because we felt like being lazy.

We have transgressed. See “We have rebelled.”

We have persecuted. We have blasted a person or group of people in our blogs without fair warning. We have engaged in constant defamation of a public official or political party, even though our blog is not strictly political in nature. We have viciously attacked the person who posted what we think is an exceedingly ignorant comment to our blog.

We have been stiff-necked. We have persisted in posting exceedingly-dull entries on our blogs, and have complained that our traffic is not what it once was. Alternately, we have sat at our computers for too many hours without moving, and have trouble turning our heads without pain.

We have been lawless, and have earned for ourselves the reputation of being wicked. We have treated the blogosphere as if it were our own post-apocalyptic wasteland over which we are supreme rulers. We have developed alternate online identities for the express purpose of being trolls. We have rejected the use of spell-check.

We have corrupted. This involves primarily sexual immorality and idol worship. Combining these, we have posted pictures and video clips of naked celebrities. We have thought too highly of ourselves, consistently portraying ourselves as the biggest of the big kahunas, and engaged in excessive online flirtation.

We have committed abominations. We admit that post we wrote two weeks ago was badly-written, poorly-spelled, impossible to follow, and utterly indecipherable to anyone.

We have gone astray. We began our blogs with such promise, but lately have resorted to memes, personality tests, and weird news items which have no bearing on what we originally intended our blogs to be.

We have turned from Your commandments and have exchanged them for something that is not even remotely comparable. We have forsaken our regular blogs for a myspace or facebook page, and still claim that we are real bloggers. We confess our need to return.

Proper Kapparot Procedure

Because I suspect many of you are unfamiliar with the Kapparot tradition, perhaps it is helpful to supply the specific text of the kapparot prayer, for the uninitiated. Nay, It would be remiss of me not to do so!
Text of Kapparot

At dawn or early in the morning before Yom Kippur, take a live chicken, fish or money which will then be given to charity and recite the following three times. Recite the first paragraph, due the rotations and then recite the paragraph again etc.

“Children of man who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, bound in misery and chains of iron --- He will bring them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and will sunder their bonds. Foolish sinners, afflicted because of their sinful ways and their wrongdoings; their soul loathes all food and they reach the gates of death --- they cry out to the Lord in their distress; He saves them from their afflictions. He sends forth His word and heals them; He delivers them from their graves. Let them thank the Lord for His kindness, and [proclaim] His wonders to the children of man. If there be for a man [even] one interceding angel out of a thousand [accusers], to speak of his uprightness in his behalf, then He will be gracious to him and say: Redeem him from going down to the grave; I have found expiation [for him]."

When reciting the first three words below, rotate the chicken, fish or money over your head.

“This is my exchange, this is my substitute, this is my expiation. This chicken shall go to death and I shall proceed to a good, long life and peace.”

(from www.chabad.org)

Virtual Kapparot Chicken!

In keeping with the holiday of Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) I thought that you, my readers, needed this. As you may know, since the temple and altar are gone from the temple mount in Jerusalem, the ancient Jewish sages replaced the sacrifice with repentance, prayer, and good deeds, especially giving. One of the traditions--that few practice these days, I think--is the kapparot chicken ritual. Basically, you purchase a live fowl, and on the morning before Yom Kippur you wave it over your head, reciting a prayer asking that the fowl be considered your "kapparot"--atonement for sins. The practice of this ritual is truly "poultry in motion." The fowl is then slaughtered and given to the poor (or its value is given.) One can't help but wonder if some of the elements of blood sacrifice are intended in this ceremony, though modern rabbis deny this.
At any rate, you can now perform this ritual yourself on Yom Kippur with your very own virtual kapparot! Download it; print it out; paste it to cardboard; cut it out; perform the ritual; attach an envelope of money to your paper chicken, and give it to someone in need.
Will it atone for your sins? Probably not. Will it get you written into the Book of Life? Also, not likely. But if you know someone who could use the extra dough, this is a great day and great way to give it. Remember, Yom Kippur is Oct 2nd.

A post? On a Tuesday? What's next: advice on carving jack-o-lanterns?

Yup. The no-posts-on-Tuesday-at-ICFAB streak has come to an end, we hope.

It's early yet (though you can't tell it by looking in most stores), but if you choose to celebrate the eve of All Saints Day this year by carving and illuminating a pumpkin, this may interest you. You can download several templates to inscribe the face of your favorite 30s & 40s pulp fiction hero onto a pumpkin--or some other gourd, if you prefer! (I recall reading that the original idea in the tradition involved the hollowing-out and carving of a turnip, which is a delightful idea for the traditionalist with a lot of patience.) Because I know that so many of you are fans of old pulp novels!

From the left: The Shadow, Doc Savage, & The Spider.

As far as I know, there's no pumpkin character in the VeggieTales world, but imagine what you could do in the field of illuminated vegetation with a series of VT characters! I mean, they're all vegetables (except for the few that are fruits)! There are several gourd characters: Jimmy, Jerry, & Mr Lunt. Bob the tomato could work as a pumpkin! Perhaps a zucchini could stand in for Larry the cucumber?

I finally heard from Henry via email. He's fine, and is planning to be at Cornland the second Sunday of October, Lord-willing.

Next Monday is Yom Kippur--the Day of Atonement, so get your act together and start making things right, now. A bottle of Tabasco or package of gourmet coffee will go along way in gaining my forgiveness for all that you have done to me this past year, knowingly and unknowingly. Of course, it is important that these items reach me before next Monday, because Yom Kippur is a day of fasting.