Does Achashverosh deserve the royal throne?
He claims that he's all about hard work and careful spending, BUT he just spent the last 180 days throwing a lavish party for all of Persia's already-overpaid government officials!
He claims he's pro-family values--that he believes "Every man should be the ruler in his own house"--BUT he recently held a week-long drunken stag party where he asked his wife to be the central attraction! THEN he banished her when she refused, and is holding a beauty pageant to pick his next wife!
Achashverosh. Can we trust him? Probably not, but what choice do we have? He's the king.
"I'm King Ach-- Achashi-- I'm King Xerxes, and I, hic, approve this--massage."
This ad paid for by Citizens Against Personal Impalement. We love you, Your Majesty!
*****
That' right, folks! It's Purim again!
NEXT
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
Thursday, September 09, 2010
What Will YOU Be Burning This September 11th?
A. A big stack of Qur’ans, of course! Islam is of the devil!
B. The Book of Mormon, Bhagavad Gita, Satanic Bible, “O” Magazine or other heathen religious text. False religion is of the devil!
C. Twilight & Harry Potter books. Vampires, werewolves and magic are of the devil!
D. DVD’s of “Big Bang Theory.” (“Big Bang” refers to evolution, which is of the devil!)
E. The Buddy Christ bobble head. Religious satire is of the devil!
F. The Gospel of Melvin. See E.
G. Anything bearing the name and/or image of Elmo, Barney, or Justin Bieber. Do you really need a reason for that?
H. The midnight oil
I. American flag
J. Terry Jones
K. Other. Please comment.
Also on facebook.
B. The Book of Mormon, Bhagavad Gita, Satanic Bible, “O” Magazine or other heathen religious text. False religion is of the devil!
C. Twilight & Harry Potter books. Vampires, werewolves and magic are of the devil!
D. DVD’s of “Big Bang Theory.” (“Big Bang” refers to evolution, which is of the devil!)
E. The Buddy Christ bobble head. Religious satire is of the devil!
F. The Gospel of Melvin. See E.
G. Anything bearing the name and/or image of Elmo, Barney, or Justin Bieber. Do you really need a reason for that?
H. The midnight oil
I. American flag
J. Terry Jones
K. Other. Please comment.
Also on facebook.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Allen's Brain demands a recount
Okay, so that Obama guy won--which means that Biden will be doing what I should have been doing.
How badly did we lose?
Okay... What did we win?
One? As in one state? We carried an entire state? Oregon, maybe?
Oh. Um... One electoral vote? Not bad for complete unknowns with zero budget! Where was that? Iowa, perhaps?
One vote?! We got one lousy vote?!
Max voted for WHO?
Yes. Thank you. He voted for "whom"? (Note to self: Mutant English teachers a complete success--that should never be duplicated!)
Well, he does know how to pick a winner--even if he can't pick his nose. After all, he picked me!
Oh. Right.
So... just one vote, huh?
I demand a recount!
How badly did we lose?
Okay... What did we win?
One? As in one state? We carried an entire state? Oregon, maybe?
Oh. Um... One electoral vote? Not bad for complete unknowns with zero budget! Where was that? Iowa, perhaps?
One vote?! We got one lousy vote?!
Max voted for WHO?
Yes. Thank you. He voted for "whom"? (Note to self: Mutant English teachers a complete success--that should never be duplicated!)
Well, he does know how to pick a winner--even if he can't pick his nose. After all, he picked me!
Oh. Right.
So... just one vote, huh?
I demand a recount!
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Yom Kippur post
On this, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar--a day of fasting and repentance--I repent for blog-fasting; i.e. not having a real post. Instead, here is my Yom Kippur post from last year: A Blogger's Viddui Ashamnu.
Perhaps I should add this year: "I have entertained foolish notions. I thought about voting for someone besides Head/Brain in this election."
*****
And don't forget, the ever-popular Virtual Kapparot Chicken!
Perhaps I should add this year: "I have entertained foolish notions. I thought about voting for someone besides Head/Brain in this election."
*****
And don't forget, the ever-popular Virtual Kapparot Chicken!
Monday, October 06, 2008
Head/Brain posts party platforms
And do we love to party in platforms?! No, because we lack bodies.
But we do love to party, and here is more of what we're partying about! All of this we provide as a special service to the intelligent, undecided voter; i.e. you nimrods who haven't figured out that we No-Bodies are the only candidates worth electing!
But we do love to party, and here is more of what we're partying about! All of this we provide as a special service to the intelligent, undecided voter; i.e. you nimrods who haven't figured out that we No-Bodies are the only candidates worth electing!
Allen's Brain debates Sarah Palin
I was present in St Louis the day of the Vice Presidential debate. I had assumed that—as a vice presidential candidate--I was implicitly invited. Apparently, I was not. I had already invited Joe Biden to debate me, but he said that he “refused to stoop to my level,” a comment I could only assume meant that he would not be seen with someone my height—brain in a jar that I am.
Clearly, Joseph Biden hates the disabled!
I did not ask Sarah Palin to debate me. Rather, I cornered her in an elevator. Kind of...
Brain: Governor Palin, it was kind of you to meet me for this debate.
Palin: (looks around confusedly)
Brain: Down here, Ms Palin. I am Allen’s Brain—a third party vice-presidential candidate, running with Max, the Drunken Severed Head. Perhaps you’ve heard of us.
Palin: Is this some kind of joke?
Brain: Certainly not! I was wondering if I could raise a few issues with you in a sort of audience-free, informal debate.
Palin: Informal? That’s my middle name! I’m not one of those Washington politicians! I’m just a regular person with straight talk for every Joe Six-Pack and Hockey Mom in this great nation of ours. I’m just like you. Really.
Brain: Just like me? Madam, I’m an atomically-enhanced brain in a jar.
Palin: Well, that’s okay, because McCain/Palin is a party of mavericks! We don’t do things the way they’ve been done on Capitol Hill for far too long! I think we can all agree that what we really want is to restore this nation’s former glory and win the war on terror—and it all starts with everyone doing their fair share!
Brain: Indeed. Everyone should do their fair share of bowing to my superiority, as I become supreme ruler of the planet! Shall we begin, then?
Palin: Sure. Can I call you “Brain”?
Brain: That would be fine. Of course, it would be different if we were on the phone. If you call me, you can call me “Al.”
Palin: Are you really a third-party candidate?
Brain: No. I’m actually just here for a dental appointment. My doctor’s on the fourth floor.
Palin: Well, “Drill, Baby, Drill!”
Brain: Truly, your passion is contagious. So, what do you think about the mortgage bailout?
Palin: I’d like to answer that question, if I may, by commenting on the energy issue. We have plenty of resources available! There’s all the milk we need, but guys like Barack Obama and Joe Biden won’t let us near the cows! And I think it’s time we say, “Turn those babies loose!” Yee-haw! Drill, Baby! Drill! Whoo!
Brain: A significant issue, to be sure.
Palin: You’re darn right, it’s a significant issue! And McCain/Palin is just the ticket to bring resolution to that issue!
Brain: Now, about global warming—
Palin: You know, Brain—you’re sure it’s not “Brian”?
Brain: Quite.
Palin: Well, I’m just a regular person like you. I’m not some Washington fat cat. And I think if you go to a soccer game and talk to any of the soccer moms, you’ll get the same answer. They’re worried about global warming. And John McCain has a plan to do something about it! Even though we’re not really sure that we have contributed that much to global warming, we have plans to fight it on all fronts: foreign and domestic!
And speaking of “foreign and domestic,” who would you rather have a beer with? Me or Joe “stuff shirt/not one of you” Biden? Huh? Huh?!
Brain: I’m sure that’s a valid point—though I can’t seem to see why.
Palin: You’re darn right, it’s a valid point! It’s just plain talk for plain, middle-class Americans—the middle class Americans that Sen. Obama wants to raise taxes for!
Brain: Shall we discuss nuclear disarmament in Pakistan?
Palin: I am so glad you brought that up! You know, Brain, what this country really needs is more sources of energy, to keep the prices low—
Brain: Um, Madam Governor? Nukes? Pakistan? Are you going to answer that question?
Palin: Well, just because I don’t answer it the way you think it ought to be answered, you automatically assume that I’m not answering it at all. I am answering it—just not the way a Washington politician would! See, we’re, mavericks, Me & John, and we’ll answer the questions however we darn well please! I—
Elevator: Ding!
Brain: This is my floor. Goodbye, Ms Palin.
Palin: G-Giant Lizard p-people! H-holy Reagan! Brr!
----------
So now you know why Governor Palin was a bit rattled during the Veep debate the other night.
Brain: I’m sure that’s a valid point—though I can’t seem to see why.
Palin: You’re darn right, it’s a valid point! It’s just plain talk for plain, middle-class Americans—the middle class Americans that Sen. Obama wants to raise taxes for!
Brain: Shall we discuss nuclear disarmament in Pakistan?
Palin: I am so glad you brought that up! You know, Brain, what this country really needs is more sources of energy, to keep the prices low—
Brain: Um, Madam Governor? Nukes? Pakistan? Are you going to answer that question?
Palin: Well, just because I don’t answer it the way you think it ought to be answered, you automatically assume that I’m not answering it at all. I am answering it—just not the way a Washington politician would! See, we’re, mavericks, Me & John, and we’ll answer the questions however we darn well please! I—
Elevator: Ding!
Brain: This is my floor. Goodbye, Ms Palin.
Palin: G-Giant Lizard p-people! H-holy Reagan! Brr!
----------
So now you know why Governor Palin was a bit rattled during the Veep debate the other night.
Vote Head/Brain ’08! Strange you can believe in!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
More publicity for Head/Brain '08
Still unsure about whom to vote for? (And if you're not planning to vote for me and Max, the Lizard-Men will be paying you a visit to better explain why you should!) Two dark horse candidates are considered at Gregory("I think Allen's Brain beats his wife")'s blog.Thanks for the campaign graphic, Gregory!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Allen's Brain quotable
From a recent conversation I had:
". . . But there's no sense beating a dead horse--unless you're trying to tenderize the meat."
Sorry, Max! We just lost the animal lovers vote!
". . . But there's no sense beating a dead horse--unless you're trying to tenderize the meat."
Sorry, Max! We just lost the animal lovers vote!
Monday, September 22, 2008
Allen's Brain's Acceptance Speech
Many of you probably caught this on CNN, but I thought I'd include the transcript of my speech anyway.
*****
My fellow Americans, living and undead, when Max asked me to be his running mate, I had but one response: great peals of maniacal laughter echoing through the gloom. Oh, and then I said “yes.” [Wait for laughs. If none occur, instruct the Lizard-Men to encourage audience members to laugh.]
Many of you don’t know me, so let me introduce myself. I am Allen’s Brain, and I understand the plight of the physically-challenged American. I mean, just look at me! I don’t even have a body. Well, not my own, anyway. But I have not let my handicap prevent me from achieving my dreams—and none of you should let my handicap prevent you from achieving my dreams either! [Wait for applause.]
Like many of you, I grew up in a small rural community, the child of a country veterinarian and his nurse wife. It was there that I learned the value of hard work and American ingenuity—the things that truly make this nation of ours great! [Wait for applause.] It was there that I saw the power of community spirit. It was in that Midwestern farm town that I learned what it means to be your brother’s keeper—and occasionally what it learns to be your keeper’s brother.
As a student of nuclear medicine and philosophy, I found my studies taking me to the innermost reaches of darkest Africa. There, I observed the medicine men thriving mentally and spiritually, while their bodies withered away to nothingness or were even gnawed upon by wild beasts! Still, they prospered in the leanest of times, and contributed to the growth of their villages, despite dire circumstances. A flagging economy did not stop them from being all that they could! They simply tightened their belts another notch and carried on! [Wait for applause. Have the Lizard-Men gently wring applause from the audience.]
Eventually, a mysterious plague wiped out these gentle jungle shamans, but not before I had learned everything I could from them. I took their secrets back with me to the United States, and began implementing them to treat depression in the severely injured and disabled. Then came the day that I met a patient I couldn't help. Because of the exorbitant prices of medical procedures and the skyrocketing costs of insurance, this patient could not afford the transplants he needed to survive. So I began utilizing what I had learned in Africa and in rural America. I started donating organs and marrow and tissue grafts from my own body, until finally, I had depleted my body entirely, reduced to simply a brain! However, one of my experiments with radiation suddenly increased my capacity for learning and personal development, giving my brain strange and horrifying powers—and also changing its color to this surreal blue you now see before you.
Not content to be merely an object of curiosity, I exerted my stunning willpower on local government officials to bring about sweeping changes to benefit the common hard-working people of America—people like you! [Applause pause] Do you know the difference between a hockey mom and an atomically-enhanced brain in a jar? Lipstick. (I have no lips, as you can see.) [wait for laughs]
In time, I located a drunken severed head who shared my dreams for serving the fine citizens of these United States, and, unbeknownst to him, inspired him in his bid for the presidency of this nation. And with your votes this November, you can believe that these two no-bodies will help put this nation back on the fast track to being celebrated, popular, and prosperous. And then, you shall all be in my power! Ah-ha-ha-ha! [actually, we think you should probably skip this last line, unless the crowd really seems to be with you.]
Will you join with me in welcoming now, the next president of the United States of America, Max!
*****
My fellow Americans, living and undead, when Max asked me to be his running mate, I had but one response: great peals of maniacal laughter echoing through the gloom. Oh, and then I said “yes.” [Wait for laughs. If none occur, instruct the Lizard-Men to encourage audience members to laugh.]
Many of you don’t know me, so let me introduce myself. I am Allen’s Brain, and I understand the plight of the physically-challenged American. I mean, just look at me! I don’t even have a body. Well, not my own, anyway. But I have not let my handicap prevent me from achieving my dreams—and none of you should let my handicap prevent you from achieving my dreams either! [Wait for applause.]
Like many of you, I grew up in a small rural community, the child of a country veterinarian and his nurse wife. It was there that I learned the value of hard work and American ingenuity—the things that truly make this nation of ours great! [Wait for applause.] It was there that I saw the power of community spirit. It was in that Midwestern farm town that I learned what it means to be your brother’s keeper—and occasionally what it learns to be your keeper’s brother.
As a student of nuclear medicine and philosophy, I found my studies taking me to the innermost reaches of darkest Africa. There, I observed the medicine men thriving mentally and spiritually, while their bodies withered away to nothingness or were even gnawed upon by wild beasts! Still, they prospered in the leanest of times, and contributed to the growth of their villages, despite dire circumstances. A flagging economy did not stop them from being all that they could! They simply tightened their belts another notch and carried on! [Wait for applause. Have the Lizard-Men gently wring applause from the audience.]
Eventually, a mysterious plague wiped out these gentle jungle shamans, but not before I had learned everything I could from them. I took their secrets back with me to the United States, and began implementing them to treat depression in the severely injured and disabled. Then came the day that I met a patient I couldn't help. Because of the exorbitant prices of medical procedures and the skyrocketing costs of insurance, this patient could not afford the transplants he needed to survive. So I began utilizing what I had learned in Africa and in rural America. I started donating organs and marrow and tissue grafts from my own body, until finally, I had depleted my body entirely, reduced to simply a brain! However, one of my experiments with radiation suddenly increased my capacity for learning and personal development, giving my brain strange and horrifying powers—and also changing its color to this surreal blue you now see before you.
Not content to be merely an object of curiosity, I exerted my stunning willpower on local government officials to bring about sweeping changes to benefit the common hard-working people of America—people like you! [Applause pause] Do you know the difference between a hockey mom and an atomically-enhanced brain in a jar? Lipstick. (I have no lips, as you can see.) [wait for laughs]
In time, I located a drunken severed head who shared my dreams for serving the fine citizens of these United States, and, unbeknownst to him, inspired him in his bid for the presidency of this nation. And with your votes this November, you can believe that these two no-bodies will help put this nation back on the fast track to being celebrated, popular, and prosperous. And then, you shall all be in my power! Ah-ha-ha-ha! [actually, we think you should probably skip this last line, unless the crowd really seems to be with you.]
Will you join with me in welcoming now, the next president of the United States of America, Max!
Zih Beeg Nooz
And now for the promised really big news!
I have been chosen as running mate with presidential hopeful, Max The Drunken Severed Head! I proudly accept the nomination, and will deliver a rousing address as soon as the Atomic Lizard-Men finish flagellating my speech writers.
Until then, you may read an interview here at Max's blog, outlining my opinions on some hot-button issues of today.
I have been chosen as running mate with presidential hopeful, Max The Drunken Severed Head! I proudly accept the nomination, and will deliver a rousing address as soon as the Atomic Lizard-Men finish flagellating my speech writers.
Until then, you may read an interview here at Max's blog, outlining my opinions on some hot-button issues of today.
Love the Head! Love the Brain! Vote for Two No-Bodies this November!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Not exactly a guest post, but...
Fellow body-free, monster-fan blogger, Max, The Drunken Severed Head has thrown his--um--himself into the ring, running for President of the United States of America. And because we bodiless wonders have to look out for one another, I've tossed some slogans his way. As you might expect, they're not quite, um, traditional.
You can read them here.
And be sure to vote for Max in November!
You can read them here.
And be sure to vote for Max in November!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Orwellian Christianity?
The telescreen emits the sound of a long clear note being played on a trumpet. A confident and authoritative voice announces:
Comrades,
You may have heard rumors that a thoughtcrimeful (religious) organization produced and distributed posters (and matching t-shirts) like these in the year 1984.
Comrades,
You may have heard rumors that a thoughtcrimeful (religious) organization produced and distributed posters (and matching t-shirts) like these in the year 1984.
The Ministry of Truth instructs all loyal Party members that such stories are doubleplusuntrue.
YOU DID NOT SEE THIS!
Now return to the new happy life which B.B. had provided for us!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
A lesson from celebrity culture?
If celebrity culture teaches us anything, it is that poverty and poor environment aren't the only sources of crime and other bad behavior. Socialism--which often touts this point--fails to take into account selfishness and human stupidity.
*****
And now for the headlines:
Pluto Lobbies Scientific Community to Revoke Mickey's Mouse Status.
*****
New Reality Show, "So You Think You Can Think?" Gets Poor Reception.
*****
Guru Teaches Students Secret of Long Life; Causes Pupils to Die Late.
*****
Politician Keeps Campaign Promises; Constituents Outraged
*****
New Film Neither Remake Nor Based On TV Program; Universe Implodes.
*****
And now for the headlines:
Pluto Lobbies Scientific Community to Revoke Mickey's Mouse Status.
*****
New Reality Show, "So You Think You Can Think?" Gets Poor Reception.
*****
Guru Teaches Students Secret of Long Life; Causes Pupils to Die Late.
*****
Politician Keeps Campaign Promises; Constituents Outraged
*****
New Film Neither Remake Nor Based On TV Program; Universe Implodes.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Prayer of thanks for WHAT?
"First of all, then, I urge that entreaties and prayers, petitions and thanksgivings, be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority, so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity. This is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior..." I Timothy 2:1-3
It's always a challenge to preach around the holidays, to try to say something new about a subject we know so well. So, here in the U.S., Thanksgiving Day is coming up, and I ask myself: What's a new way to say, "Be thankful"? Or, What is a new thing to be thankful for?
Well, here's one that is almost sure to be unpopular. Those yahoos on Capitol Hill, for whom I did not vote, and with whose policies I disagree? I am to offer prayers of thanksgiving to God for them!
Try this, when it comes to the big Turkey Day meal: If it is your custom on that day to go around the table and have everyone tell what they are thankful for, blurt out that you are thankful for government officials--even the ones you don't like, and whose agendas you oppose! I mean, after all, Paul is talking about the Roman emperor here! That's not a guy who reflected the values of the fledgling church a lot of the time, and there was no chance that they could vote him out of office!
What are your least-favorite things to give thanks for--even though you know you should?
It's always a challenge to preach around the holidays, to try to say something new about a subject we know so well. So, here in the U.S., Thanksgiving Day is coming up, and I ask myself: What's a new way to say, "Be thankful"? Or, What is a new thing to be thankful for?
Well, here's one that is almost sure to be unpopular. Those yahoos on Capitol Hill, for whom I did not vote, and with whose policies I disagree? I am to offer prayers of thanksgiving to God for them!
Try this, when it comes to the big Turkey Day meal: If it is your custom on that day to go around the table and have everyone tell what they are thankful for, blurt out that you are thankful for government officials--even the ones you don't like, and whose agendas you oppose! I mean, after all, Paul is talking about the Roman emperor here! That's not a guy who reflected the values of the fledgling church a lot of the time, and there was no chance that they could vote him out of office!
What are your least-favorite things to give thanks for--even though you know you should?
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Jesus' political attack ads
I'm glad the election is over, because I was sick of all the mudslinging commercials. I got wondering this morning, if Jesus were running for public office, what sort of attack ads he might run. Of course, Jesus probably wouldn't run attack ads, but here's what I came up with:
"Herod Antipas: He calls himself the King of the Jews, but did you know that he's not even really Jewish? Herod thinks he has a mandate to rule the people, yet he came to his position through nepotism! He's only king because his father was! Not only that, did you know that Herod Antipas is endorsed by the Roman Empire?
My name is Jesus, and I approved this message, because I know that what the people of Judea really need is someone who identifies with them.
Vote Jesus. At least he's Jewish!"
"Are you tired of the bipartisan political circus? The Sadducees fight to halt the Pharisees' activities. The Pharisees spend all their time criticizing the Sadducees. Don't you think it's time for a change?
Jesus isn't a Pharisee or a Sadducee. He's the son of a carpenter. His best friends are fishermen. He calls himself the Son of Man. Jesus is one of us, and he has a plan to end bipartisan politics! Isn't it time for a change?
This ad paid for by the Friends of Jesus, and Fishers of Men."
And one especially for IL voters:
"Judah bar Simeon! He claims he loves and keeps the law of Moses, but when his donkey fell in a ditch on the Sabbath, Judah bar Simeon pulled him out! Then Judah bar Simeon condemns Jesus for healing a man on the Sabbath! Judah bar Simeon: Strong on Law, weak on justice, mercy, & faithfulness. Judah bar Simeon: What was he thinking?
Hello, I'm Jesus, and I approved this message, because the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath!"
"Herod Antipas: He calls himself the King of the Jews, but did you know that he's not even really Jewish? Herod thinks he has a mandate to rule the people, yet he came to his position through nepotism! He's only king because his father was! Not only that, did you know that Herod Antipas is endorsed by the Roman Empire?
My name is Jesus, and I approved this message, because I know that what the people of Judea really need is someone who identifies with them.
Vote Jesus. At least he's Jewish!"
"Are you tired of the bipartisan political circus? The Sadducees fight to halt the Pharisees' activities. The Pharisees spend all their time criticizing the Sadducees. Don't you think it's time for a change?
Jesus isn't a Pharisee or a Sadducee. He's the son of a carpenter. His best friends are fishermen. He calls himself the Son of Man. Jesus is one of us, and he has a plan to end bipartisan politics! Isn't it time for a change?
This ad paid for by the Friends of Jesus, and Fishers of Men."
And one especially for IL voters:
"Judah bar Simeon! He claims he loves and keeps the law of Moses, but when his donkey fell in a ditch on the Sabbath, Judah bar Simeon pulled him out! Then Judah bar Simeon condemns Jesus for healing a man on the Sabbath! Judah bar Simeon: Strong on Law, weak on justice, mercy, & faithfulness. Judah bar Simeon: What was he thinking?
Hello, I'm Jesus, and I approved this message, because the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath!"
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Name order on the ballot makes a difference?
I try to be pretty politically-neutral here at ICFAB, such as with this post, but I heard an interview with this fellow this morning on National Public Radio, and just had to comment on it.
According to Jon A. Krosnick, a professor of communication, political science and psychology at Stanford, “Candidates listed first on the ballot get about two percentage points more votes on average than they would have if they had been listed later.”
“In 1996, Bill Clinton’s vote tally was 4 percentage points higher in the Assembly districts where he was listed first than in the ones where he was listed last.”
And
“In 2000, George W. Bush’s vote tally was 9 percentage points higher in the districts where he was listed first than in the districts where he was listed last.”
I can't help wondering: if this is really the case, should people who are that easily-swayed really be permitted to vote?
According to Jon A. Krosnick, a professor of communication, political science and psychology at Stanford, “Candidates listed first on the ballot get about two percentage points more votes on average than they would have if they had been listed later.”
“In 1996, Bill Clinton’s vote tally was 4 percentage points higher in the Assembly districts where he was listed first than in the ones where he was listed last.”
And
“In 2000, George W. Bush’s vote tally was 9 percentage points higher in the districts where he was listed first than in the districts where he was listed last.”
I can't help wondering: if this is really the case, should people who are that easily-swayed really be permitted to vote?
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Post-Election Post
This was supposed to have gone up yesterday, but Blogger.com was feeling snarky, I guess, and wouldn't let me post.
Feeling a bit disappointed with this year's election results? Take a look at this. Some time in the future, this link will probably be dead. I'm sorry. There's some nice punnery. And it does lend some "big picture" perspective to the issue of elected leadership.
Every time there's an election, I am reminded that God repeatedly asserts that he causes nations and leaders to rise and fall. Sennacherib, Nebuchadnezzar, and Herod (to just name three) are all punished for failing to acknowledge God's role in their position. Jesus tells Pilate, "You would have no authority over me, unless it had been given you from on high."
Are these things always true, across the board? Does this mean that whoever gets into office is there because God wanted them there?
Oh, and in case some utterly-evil, God-ignoring, Christian-hating individual gets into office, consider this: The church has historically bloomed and prospered under persecution, and Romans 13 says that they have been given their power by the Lord, so give them the respect due their office, out of honor for God!
Feeling a bit disappointed with this year's election results? Take a look at this. Some time in the future, this link will probably be dead. I'm sorry. There's some nice punnery. And it does lend some "big picture" perspective to the issue of elected leadership.
Every time there's an election, I am reminded that God repeatedly asserts that he causes nations and leaders to rise and fall. Sennacherib, Nebuchadnezzar, and Herod (to just name three) are all punished for failing to acknowledge God's role in their position. Jesus tells Pilate, "You would have no authority over me, unless it had been given you from on high."
Are these things always true, across the board? Does this mean that whoever gets into office is there because God wanted them there?
Oh, and in case some utterly-evil, God-ignoring, Christian-hating individual gets into office, consider this: The church has historically bloomed and prospered under persecution, and Romans 13 says that they have been given their power by the Lord, so give them the respect due their office, out of honor for God!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
The Inflammatory Christian Email
The following was born out my receipt of too many mean-spirited emails from believers espousing hateful attitudes and actions toward people or groups with whom the sender—and thus, presumably, all “real” Christians—disagreed. Not once did such emails include encouragement to pray for these people or helpful instructions for sharing the Gospel with them. Just vitriol by the tanker truck-full. And so…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Inflammatory Christian Email
-God loves terrorists and Muslim extremists!
-Jesus died for selfish Communist dictators!
-God loves those who persecute his Church!
-Those thousands of illegal immigrants harming our way of life? The Lord wants them to be part of his family!
-Jesus loves right-wing, war-mongering republican nutjobs!
-Jesus loves tree-hugging, commie-pinko democrats!
-The Lord wants gays, lesbians, transsexuals and bisexual folks to come to know him!
-Child-molesters? God loves them!
-Rapists? He loves them too!
-Jesus died for pro-choicers, planned parenthood workers, and abortion doctors!
-He shed his blood for all the members of the ACLU!
-God loves those earnest believers who carry signs in front of abortion clinics and at gay pride rallies that often make Christians look ignorant & hateful.
-Christ came into the world to save corrupt politicians.
-He came to save pimps, prostitutes, and purveyors of pornography.
-God’s grace is freely offered to drug dealers and gang bangers and those idiotic neighbors who blare their music at 3 in the morning!
-That jerk who gleefully cut you off in traffic? Jesus died for him!
-That gossip who spread those lies about you and your loved ones? Christ loves her!
-The Lord even loves hypocrites!
-And, as hard as it may be to believe, He also loves you.
Now, the fact that he loves them doesn’t mean that they all are saved. It doesn’t mean that they all are right. It does not mean that they do not need to repent, or that their sins should be overlooked--just that Jesus loves them.
If our Master loves these folks, why can’t we?
Instructions: Add your favorite pet sin/sinner to this list and pass it on to all who are easily-offended!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Inflammatory Christian Email
-God loves terrorists and Muslim extremists!
-Jesus died for selfish Communist dictators!
-God loves those who persecute his Church!
-Those thousands of illegal immigrants harming our way of life? The Lord wants them to be part of his family!
-Jesus loves right-wing, war-mongering republican nutjobs!
-Jesus loves tree-hugging, commie-pinko democrats!
-The Lord wants gays, lesbians, transsexuals and bisexual folks to come to know him!
-Child-molesters? God loves them!
-Rapists? He loves them too!
-Jesus died for pro-choicers, planned parenthood workers, and abortion doctors!
-He shed his blood for all the members of the ACLU!
-God loves those earnest believers who carry signs in front of abortion clinics and at gay pride rallies that often make Christians look ignorant & hateful.
-Christ came into the world to save corrupt politicians.
-He came to save pimps, prostitutes, and purveyors of pornography.
-God’s grace is freely offered to drug dealers and gang bangers and those idiotic neighbors who blare their music at 3 in the morning!
-That jerk who gleefully cut you off in traffic? Jesus died for him!
-That gossip who spread those lies about you and your loved ones? Christ loves her!
-The Lord even loves hypocrites!
-And, as hard as it may be to believe, He also loves you.
Now, the fact that he loves them doesn’t mean that they all are saved. It doesn’t mean that they all are right. It does not mean that they do not need to repent, or that their sins should be overlooked--just that Jesus loves them.
If our Master loves these folks, why can’t we?
Instructions: Add your favorite pet sin/sinner to this list and pass it on to all who are easily-offended!
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