Thursday, October 23, 2008

Bad News

Yup, my computer works fine, now. This means you'll be subjected to more of my special brand of surreality--but only if you stay tuned! Don't touch that dial!

Perusing the ancient paper-based archives, I found this faux jewel, rejected by "The Door*":

Unique Ways to Say, "I Slept In and Didn't Go to Church"

Have you ever been accosted by the frozen chosen for sleeping in on Sunday morning and then being honest about it? Here's some new responses to that condemning question, "Where were you this morning?"

-I was worshiping at Bedside Baptist.

-You know how the Bible says, "Young men will dream dreams"? Well, I'm a young man.

-I was enjoying the ministry of Pastor Pillow.

-I was worshiping in the Temple of Morpheus.

-I was slain in the Spirit for several hours this morning, and couldn't get out of bed! (This is especially good if your church doesn't believe in being "slain in the Spirit"!)

-I was having one of those "Jacob at Bethel" experiences.

-Mattress Methodist was having a special service.

-I was busy witnessing to my French neighbor, Boudoir.

-You know how David danced in his underwear? Well, I was in my pajamas...

-I was volunteering at Rabbi Sandman's mission.

-I figured I was probably going to sleep through the sermon anyway...

*Back in the days when it was only a paper magazine.


The Ironic Catholic said...

Love the second one, but their all good. Should have been published, man.

PraiseDivineMercy said...

LOL. This reminds me of how, when I was a child, my family got me to agree to go to mass if we just went at 12:30 instead of 9:00.