Additions to Revelation Discovered

Having recently started a sermon series on the book of Revelation, I've been crenelations-deep in study. Whilst preparing a message on chapters 2 and 3--the letters to seven of the churches in Asia Minor--I discovered that there were other missives written that apparently didn't make the canonical cut.

I’ll be reproducing a few of these here at the lab for your edification. Keep in mind, please, that while they may be worthwhile for devotional purposes, they should not be deemed to have Scriptural authority.

To the angel of the church in Cnidus write:

These are the words of Him who wears the floor-length priestly robe and the impressive gold sash about his chest.

I know your deeds. You have a passion for lively fellowship meals. You are steadfast in your visitation to the afflicted and the shut-in. Your generosity has fueled evangelistic efforts throughout the world.

Yet I have this to say against you. Don’t you know what day it is? When you come together to worship me, it is not in your finest clothes that you are adorned. One would think you are simply going to the shuffleboard court (which is silly because it doesn't open ‘til after lunch.)

Nevertheless, there are some among you who have not slackened in their devotion-of-outward-apparel.* Well they have studied and know that while I may look at the heart, your brothers are limited to your outward appearance. And it looks to them like you don’t know whose day it is.

He that has ears to hear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one that overcomes this, or at least masters the art of "dress-casual," I will give a limitless gift certificate to Harps, Halos And Beyond.**
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*A compound Greek word that has no good parallel in English. Perhaps "fashion-faithfulness"?
**Some scholars assert that the triple alliteration is essential, and suggest instead translating it "Harps, Halos And Hereafter."

P.S. Yes, I know about Rev. 22:18.