Saturday, May 31, 2014

A Dozen More Answers to the Banana Question.

Why do you have a banana in your ear?

- "It keeps away the feral penguins."
This is sensible. Do you see any feral penguins around? No? Must be working.

- "Who wants to know?"
Ya' can't be sure when the NSA might be listening in.

- "Haven't you heard? It's National Stick a Banana In Your Ear Day!"
Now I just have to wait awhile, and someone will surely create it.

- "So no one thinks I'm crazy."
Look. Crazy people work extra hard to appear normal. They certainly aren't gonna give into the mad desire to go about with a banana in their ear, for fear someone will identify them as looney. So, only a sane person would dare to do such a thing. Ergo, banana in the ear = sanity.

- "I'm trying to quit smoking, and this is supposed to help with the aural fixation."
Because some of us adore awful puns!

- "Because if we don't have the freedom to stick bananas in our ears, are we, in fact, truly free?"
The patriotic, Libertarian response. Popular for those who want to try this at a Tea Party rally. (That's right. I'm an American. That joke is about as political as I get.)

- "Because if I don't stick a banana in my ear, who will?"
Hey! Ya gotta stand up for the truly important things!

- "I happen to find it aesthetically pleasing."
Just say no to oppression by the fascist fashion industry!

- "It's doing wonders for my vertigo!"
Of course, everyone knows that the cochlea--in the inner ear--is the center of balance, so this is certainly plausible.

- "Don't you dare infringe on my freedom to practice my religion!"
Reformed Fruitism, BTW. It's pronounced "Froo-ih-ti-zuhm." You don't want to know what the original, non-reformed sect does, believe me!

- "It's very existentially satisfying! You should try it!"
Especially for a Reformed Fruitist.

- "It keeps me from sticking anything else in there."
Yup. Quite bonkers, I'm afraid.