Further Contemplations of the Sundry Motivations for Intentional Proximity of Bananas and Humanoid Otic Orifices

12 more answers, arranged topically for your inconvenience.

“Why do you have a banana in your ear?” I asked (yet a fourth time.)

Semantical:
- Don’t think of it as “in my ear.” Think of it as “brain adjacent.”

Fashion & Ontology:
- Earbuds are SO last season! Buds become blooms. Blooms fall off, and are replaced by fruit... Voila! The earbanana!

Nostalgic Science Fictional:
- “I’m receiving a transmission, Captain!”

Medical / Psychological / Sadistic:
- It’s a new cure for earworms! You know, it really IS a small world after all!”

Dietetic:
- “Bananas are good for you!”

Biblical:
- “Well, as Jesus said, ‘By their fruit you shall know them.’ ”

Proverbial / Buzzfeed:
- “ ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away!’ You’ll never guess what a banana a day prevents!”

Experimental:
- (look at watch) “19 minutes and 34 seconds! A new record!”

Adolescent / Historically-Unexpected:
- “Oh sure! Jill gets her eyebrow pierced; everyone thinks it’s cool!  Dan gets a tattoo; no one says a word! But *I* get a banana in my ear, and suddenly, it’s the Spanish Inquisition!”
                                   
Experiential:
- “You know how you can a hold a seashell up to your ear, and hear the roar of the ocean? When you put a banana in your ear, you can hear the sound of the jungle!”
(At night when the lion is prowling, that is.)

Traditional / Spiritual
- “I do this in accordance with the practice of my ancestors. My father’s father’s father, four generations back, stuck a banana in his ear – and so we have done in every generation since. HIS father before him used a zucchini – he had never seen a banana.”

Self-Promotional:
- “I’m starting a new fashion trend.”
(All the really cool gibbons are already doing it!)

More Bananas. More Ears. More Answers.

And why do YOU have a banana in your ear?


- "Oh, I think we BOTH know the answer to THAT, don't we?"
Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more! (I have no idea what this answer is really supposed to imply.)

- "Scientific method: I've worked out the questions of Where I may stick it in my ear, and How. I'm still working on the Why question, though.
Because "Why?" is not the only question that may be asked.

- "Duh! Because I'm a banana tree!"
Isn't it obvious?

- "Well, I tried sticking it in OTHER people's ears, but they didn't like it much."
You see, I really had no choice!

- "Because it's Tuesday (or whatever day it happens to be.)"
Alternatively, you can say "Tuesday" no matter what day it is. When the inquirer explains that it is, in fact, Friday, you can reply, "Oh dear! Well, THAT'S embarrassing! I don't suppose you happen to have a bicycle tire pump on you? No? Well, I guess I'll just have to pay the fine, then."

- "All out of Q-tips."
It's an environmentally-conscious choice.

- "I don't have a banana in my ear. This is someone else's ear. Van Gogh's, I think."
You're not just nuts. You're also cultured.

- "Well, it's not quite ripe."
And I was all out of brown paper sacks.

- "What a weird thing to ask a person! I'd think the more natural thing to ask me about is why I have a banana in my ear!"
I guess this actually a variation on, "No, it's not a bandana. It's a banana."

- "I am not prepared to address that question at this time."
Useful, should you be putting a banana in your ear during a televised press conference.

- "I don't. This is a plantain."
Because no one needs an excuse to put a plantain in their ear, obviously.

- "I dunno. I guess I forgot to ask, 'What would Jesus do?' "
I admit it was a bad decision, and it could've been prevented, but I'm stuck with the consequences, now.

A Dozen More Answers to the Banana Question.

Why do you have a banana in your ear?

- "It keeps away the feral penguins."
This is sensible. Do you see any feral penguins around? No? Must be working.

- "Who wants to know?"
Ya' can't be sure when the NSA might be listening in.

- "Haven't you heard? It's National Stick a Banana In Your Ear Day!"
Now I just have to wait awhile, and someone will surely create it.

- "So no one thinks I'm crazy."
Look. Crazy people work extra hard to appear normal. They certainly aren't gonna give into the mad desire to go about with a banana in their ear, for fear someone will identify them as looney. So, only a sane person would dare to do such a thing. Ergo, banana in the ear = sanity.

- "I'm trying to quit smoking, and this is supposed to help with the aural fixation."
Because some of us adore awful puns!

- "Because if we don't have the freedom to stick bananas in our ears, are we, in fact, truly free?"
The patriotic, Libertarian response. Popular for those who want to try this at a Tea Party rally. (That's right. I'm an American. That joke is about as political as I get.)

- "Because if I don't stick a banana in my ear, who will?"
Hey! Ya gotta stand up for the truly important things!

- "I happen to find it aesthetically pleasing."
Just say no to oppression by the fascist fashion industry!

- "It's doing wonders for my vertigo!"
Of course, everyone knows that the cochlea--in the inner ear--is the center of balance, so this is certainly plausible.

- "Don't you dare infringe on my freedom to practice my religion!"
Reformed Fruitism, BTW. It's pronounced "Froo-ih-ti-zuhm." You don't want to know what the original, non-reformed sect does, believe me!

- "It's very existentially satisfying! You should try it!"
Especially for a Reformed Fruitist.

- "It keeps me from sticking anything else in there."
Yup. Quite bonkers, I'm afraid.

Other answers to "Why do you have a banana in your ear?"

Because when life gets surreal, sometimes ya just gotta respond in like kind, and stick a banana in your ear! Consider the classic example of our hero, Ernie:

And when Bert asks him why he has a banana in his ear, he responds, "What'd you say, Bert? I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear." Brilliant. I have some other options, though.

- "Because I can!"
This response indicates that you're not an insane person. Instead, you're the kind of fun person who has life by the horns, and is likely to do anything.

- "No, it's not a bandana! Haha! It's a banana! A beer? Why, certainly! Are you buying? No, my name isn't Anna. Oh! Banana! Yes, I suppose it DOES make me look like a deer. Etc."
Playing hard-of-hearing frustrates people, which can be fun, but eventually, you'll need to resort to another answer. OR end with a variation on the Ernie: "It's supposed to improve hearing."

- "Because they were out of nectarines, obviously."
Sarcasm, combined with an offended sense of superiority in the voice. It gets a chuckle and fails entirely to answer the question, thus giving you an opportunity to try out another answer. I like to follow it with,

- "You mean, you don't know? Snort! He/she really doesn't know!"

- "I have decided that the whole world has gone bananas, and this one is translating for me."
Stated with straight face and a little morosely, you may be viewed as a philosophical and poetic soul, prone to performance art installations--which may be exactly the vibe you want to project to the Goth/Emo crowd.

Of course, there's the hippie/stoner variation on this:

- "Listening to the voice of the Cosmos... Cuz everything's like, totally interconnected and stuff... The world would be a much more mellow place if they'd just legalize banana, Man."

- "I'm trying to get more potassium in my diet, but I don't want any of the side effects of 'potassium rush,' so I'm absorbing it by osmosis. No, I'm serious! This is the latest thing! Just Google 'potassium osmosis'!"
The fun of this is knowing that they might actually go look it up.

- (horrified) "Banana?! This isn't my cell phone?! Oh no! Somewhere, there's a child eating my phone! Gasp! Or a monkey!"
Clarifying that you are, indeed, mad.

- "I'm trying to dislodge the cashew." 
Utterly mad.

- "There's a very tiny monkey inside my brain, and I'm trying to lure him out with his favorite food."
Absolutely barking mad.

- "Why don't YOU? What are you afraid of?"
Because all the really cool kids are sticking bananas in their ears!