Thursday, May 29, 2014

Other answers to "Why do you have a banana in your ear?"

Because when life gets surreal, sometimes ya just gotta respond in like kind, and stick a banana in your ear! Consider the classic example of our hero, Ernie:

And when Bert asks him why he has a banana in his ear, he responds, "What'd you say, Bert? I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear." Brilliant. I have some other options, though.

- "Because I can!"
This response indicates that you're not an insane person. Instead, you're the kind of fun person who has life by the horns, and is likely to do anything.

- "No, it's not a bandana! Haha! It's a banana! A beer? Why, certainly! Are you buying? No, my name isn't Anna. Oh! Banana! Yes, I suppose it DOES make me look like a deer. Etc."
Playing hard-of-hearing frustrates people, which can be fun, but eventually, you'll need to resort to another answer. OR end with a variation on the Ernie: "It's supposed to improve hearing."

- "Because they were out of nectarines, obviously."
Sarcasm, combined with an offended sense of superiority in the voice. It gets a chuckle and fails entirely to answer the question, thus giving you an opportunity to try out another answer. I like to follow it with,

- "You mean, you don't know? Snort! He/she really doesn't know!"

- "I have decided that the whole world has gone bananas, and this one is translating for me."
Stated with straight face and a little morosely, you may be viewed as a philosophical and poetic soul, prone to performance art installations--which may be exactly the vibe you want to project to the Goth/Emo crowd.

Of course, there's the hippie/stoner variation on this:

- "Listening to the voice of the Cosmos... Cuz everything's like, totally interconnected and stuff... The world would be a much more mellow place if they'd just legalize banana, Man."

- "I'm trying to get more potassium in my diet, but I don't want any of the side effects of 'potassium rush,' so I'm absorbing it by osmosis. No, I'm serious! This is the latest thing! Just Google 'potassium osmosis'!"
The fun of this is knowing that they might actually go look it up.

- (horrified) "Banana?! This isn't my cell phone?! Oh no! Somewhere, there's a child eating my phone! Gasp! Or a monkey!"
Clarifying that you are, indeed, mad.

- "I'm trying to dislodge the cashew." 
Utterly mad.

- "There's a very tiny monkey inside my brain, and I'm trying to lure him out with his favorite food."
Absolutely barking mad.

- "Why don't YOU? What are you afraid of?"
Because all the really cool kids are sticking bananas in their ears!

1 comment:

PaperSmyth said...

-"I like bananas. Bananas are good. The Doctor says to always carry a banana. He stopped an alien fleet with a banana once."
This is a geeky pop culture reference to BBC's long-running sci-fi TV series Doctor Who. Not recommended if the asker is aware you've been depressed as the joke could backfire. (Why? Because the Doctor has also been known to switch a banana for a gun he's trying to take away.) This answer may go well with any hipster-listening-to-the-universe answer.