Saturday, June 28, 2014

Further Contemplations of the Sundry Motivations for Intentional Proximity of Bananas and Humanoid Otic Orifices

12 more answers, arranged topically for your inconvenience.

“Why do you have a banana in your ear?” I asked (yet a fourth time.)

- Don’t think of it as “in my ear.” Think of it as “brain adjacent.”

Fashion & Ontology:
- Earbuds are SO last season! Buds become blooms. Blooms fall off, and are replaced by fruit... Voila! The earbanana!

Nostalgic Science Fictional:
- “I’m receiving a transmission, Captain!”

Medical / Psychological / Sadistic:
- It’s a new cure for earworms! You know, it really IS a small world after all!”

- “Bananas are good for you!”

- “Well, as Jesus said, ‘By their fruit you shall know them.’ ”

Proverbial / Buzzfeed:
- “ ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away!’ You’ll never guess what a banana a day prevents!”

- (look at watch) “19 minutes and 34 seconds! A new record!”

Adolescent / Historically-Unexpected:
- “Oh sure! Jill gets her eyebrow pierced; everyone thinks it’s cool!  Dan gets a tattoo; no one says a word! But *I* get a banana in my ear, and suddenly, it’s the Spanish Inquisition!”
- “You know how you can a hold a seashell up to your ear, and hear the roar of the ocean? When you put a banana in your ear, you can hear the sound of the jungle!”
(At night when the lion is prowling, that is.)

Traditional / Spiritual
- “I do this in accordance with the practice of my ancestors. My father’s father’s father, four generations back, stuck a banana in his ear – and so we have done in every generation since. HIS father before him used a zucchini – he had never seen a banana.”

- “I’m starting a new fashion trend.”
(All the really cool gibbons are already doing it!)

1 comment:

PaperSmyth said...

This made me smile. Thanks, Allen's Brain, for saving the world once again from grouchiness (and banana-impaired gibbons)! :)