What Do You Want, Angus Dorrigan?

"Oh kind and gracious Lord..."

"Yes?"

"Huh? Oh! Hello, I'd like ta' talk to God."

"Speaking."

"Ya mean, it's really you?"

"That's right."

"Whoa, I figured I'd have to speak to some secretary or something first."

"No. Just me. I'm always listening."

"Always?"

"Yes, My Child."

"Even when I'm not prayin'?"

"Yes."

"So ya heard what I said last Tuesday about Annie MacDougal and--"

"Yes."

"Oh. Look, I'm really sorry about all that! If I'd a'known you were listenin' in, I'd--"

"What do you want, Angus Dorrigan?"

"W-e-l-l... I want to stop wantin'."

"I'm sorry, Angus. No can do."

"What?"

"The desire for improvement of self and circumstances is part of what makes you human. Besides, if you didn't have that desire to better yourself, you would never attempt to change your ways at all! Not to mention that the desire to cease all desire is self-defeating."

"But, I hafta' stop wantin' things! I want to become a Buddhist!"

"Well, you're going about it all wrong."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"You guess?"

"Point well taken."

"Now, what do you want, Angus Dorrigan?"

"I wouldn't mind a new kite."

"Red, with white zigzag stripes?"

"Yes, please."

"Done. See how easy that was? We really should do this more often."
*****

From What Do You Want, Angus Dorrigan?, sequel to

Twenty Uses for a Burnt-Out Light Bulb,

a non-existent novel by Allen Z'brain