St Espressus of Java, on Iced Coffee

In my work among the Mohammedans*, I discovered a unique custom they had regarding the blessed beverage.  On those summer days when it is hottest, they climb to the highest peaks and collect quantities of clean snow and ice, with which they cool their coffee until it becomes a quite soothing and refreshing beverage.

It occurs to me how like this is to the Incarnation, in that something which comes down from Heaven is combined with something of earth, and the result is a reflection of glorious wonder. So also it is with the Paraclete, the Holy Spirit of God which descends from Above to dwell in the heart of the believer, and so results in the soothing and refreshing of the soul. ‘Tis joy unspeakable and full of glory! It’s also good with the addition of a small amount of milk or cream.

The Holy Father** should really try it.

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*That is, Moslems. Espressus was evangelizing the Turks when he was introduced to coffee..
** Clement VIII

Thoughts From My Favorite Saint

Because it's All Saints' Day.
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Sweetly your voice calls to me, O Lord,
Cutting through the dim fogginess of this world.

It is like the scent of your blessed beverage, coffee,
As it brews before sunrise.

Reaching my nose,
It opens my eyes, that I may awake to do your work.

Reaching my tongue as I sip,
It opens my mouth to sing your praises.

Reaching my mind,
It awakens me to know your truth and proclaim it to others.

Reaching my heart,
It helps me to see past the grey drizzled darkness,
Which blinds both mind and heart in this age.

I hear your voice, My God, and respond,
“Here am I, send me.”

-St Espressus of Java, “Sipping from Isaiah 6”

St Espressus on Decaffeinated Coffee

   "Decaffeinated coffee is an appalling work of darkness! It takes something which God created, saying, 'It is good,' and perverts it -- subverting its very nature and eliminating the blessing contained therein!"         - St Espressus of Java

The mug pictured is the classic Prayer of St Espressus design, and is available at the Allen's Brain store, linked on the left. No mug is presently available with THIS quote... yet. If there's a request for it, we can make it happen.

St Espressus Mug now available.

Just like the t-shirt, only smaller.

And you can drink liquid from it.

Or store a brain in it, if you're a Mi-go.

Well, a small one, anyway--maybe a monkey's brain, or a penguin's.

Or use it as a reliquary, if you happen to have a coffee-stained finger of St Espressus.

It's also a bit cheaper than the shirt.

Click the Allen's Brain Store link in the "neurology labs" list to your left, if that sort of thing interests you.

It could also be a hat, I suppose. A sort of handled fez.

Or store chocolate-covered coffee beans in it.

Eat breakfast cereal from it.

Wield it as a blunt object, in case of emergency.

Also, it has no sleeves, so it's not really as much like the shirt as I first imagined.

St Espressus of Java T-Shirts

I have a cafepress shop, now.

Come get your St Espressus t-shirts here!
Has "The Prayer of St Espressus of Java" on the back.

St Espressus Caption Contest

Yup. That's him in the lobby with a cuppa' in each hand.



Speedbump, 11-14-03

 Now, your task: Name the guy sitting next to him in the comments section!

Number 1 on Your Hit Parade!

Head on over to Ironic Catholic's blog, music lovers! "The Lament of St Espressus of Java" is now available in audio format, chanted by IC her(quirky)self!

Catch this tune before it becomes a big hit on the coffee house circuit!

Learn it by heart so you can sing along next time it comes up at Mass!

Hear it as it was intended, before the "Double Shot, Xtra Foam(ing at the mouth) Remix" hits the Top40 radio airwaves, and obscures the beauty and simplicity of the unplugged, acoustic original!

Enjoy it now, before some American Idol pop tart butchers it!

The Lament of St Espressus of Java

For the Ironic Catholic, who asked for it.
*****

A lament, when Bro Espressus discovered he had run out of coffee. Arrangement for the jaw harp.

You are worthy of praise, O Lord our God,
Creator of the coffee bean.

You are like a good cup of coffee:
Your depths of wisdom are impenetrable,
Your ways are inscrutable, too dark to see into.
From you comes invigoration and inspiration;
How joyfully you are met first thing in the morning!

But alas, O my God,
For I cannot praise you as you deserve!
For someone has finished off the coffee,
And has not replaced what they took!

Early I rose, to come before you with joyful singing,
And found the canister empty.
Empty like the Wilderness of Zin,
Like the barren places by the Dead Sea.
Empty, it was, bereft of its usefulness,
Much like Bro Adelmo, who, I suspect, is the jerk who did this to me.

My cup has run dry, O Sustainer of Life!
My pot has been emptied to the dregs!
The carafe--once holding your goodness--is hollow.
I could fetch some water,
But my efforts would still be groundless.

The cheerful singing of the brothers so very early
Is as the nattering of teeny chipmunks
In my caffeine-deprived state.
I curse their glee and wish them ill.
They drive me to lick the pot clean,
Hoping for a taste of renewing brew.

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me!
Come quickly, and refill the canister!
Oh Lord of the Bean, come rescue me,
Or I shall have to kill them all.

The Prayer of Saint Espressus of Java

We praise thee, O Lord, Creator of the coffee bean, Benevolent Source of the beatific, stimulating qualities of caffeine contained within that holy element, without which regeneration many of thy servants would yet be lying sluggishly in their depraved state of slothful recumbence!

Be merciful to us in those moments before we have had our first taste of that stabilizing beverage, for truly we know not what we do.

Refresh our cup, O Lord, when we are nearly empty.

Fill our nostrils with the rich aromas of thy favor and cause us to sip with gratitude the bold flavors of thy grace!

Impart unto us the daily resurrection that comes with the celebratory imbibing of such hearty roast as we might be blessed to quaff, as we welcome the rising of the glorious sun so very early in the morning!

And may thy carafe of goodness be near to us in all our days, and even to our very end.

Amen.

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Free refills at humor-blogs.com