Because we REALLY LOVE coffee!

I've seen this "inspirational" slogan many times before. And I get it; I really do. But I am a warped brain, and I see something else entirely in this particular presentation of the sentence..

The accompanying pic is of a steaming coffee mug and beans superimposed over "word art" listing all sorts of coffee and coffee-related words. Perhaps we are to associate coffee with "Good Morning."

Or MAYBE... more sinisterly... we are intended to see "coffee, coffee, coffee!" as the thing that gets it all done, that handles all of our problems for us. PERHAPS we are to associate all the java-y goodness with the statement "This is God"! That's right! Rank idolatry! The worship of COFFEE! Bum-bum-Buuuuum!


Naw, probably not. But now, you can't un-see it, so my work here is done.

The Altogether Ooky Manger Scene?

Here's the life-size manger scene at a nursing center I visit often.

Naturally, I fixated on Joseph,

because, to me, he looks like John Astin (Gomez Addams from "The Addams Family")

A couple unusual nativities

Every year, a certain website publishes pictures of the most outrageous, bizarre, stupid and/or offensive nativity sets they can find. Here are a couple I found online recently that suit my twisted, monster-movie-fueled sensibilities.

Isabel Samaras

 Not three-dimensional figures, but delightfully-awful, nonetheless. I like the bat rattle. At first, I though Drac was supposed to be Joseph, but I expect he's intended to be a wise man, since it's Frankie & his Bride. Almost want to make this into a Christmas card. Almost.

And now, 2 Day of the Dead-themed manger scenes:

Hand-carved in Guatemala, $95 on eBay.

I like this small one for it's use of color and flowers. Again, no shepherds, though those two skeleton animals  may be sheep. The figure on the far left is an angel. See the red wings?

Peruvian artisan Claudio Jimenez Quispe

This one is huge, and certainly more-elaborate -- but just as inappropriate. Must be seen full-sized to be disbelieved. Click, if you dare!

And, while we're on the subject, here's the tiki manger I posted last year.

Christmas card oddity

I was in a big-chain bookstore the other day -- the one whose name rhymes with "Yarns and Global." They're gearing up for Christmas shopping like everyone else is, and had quite an assortment of Christmas greeting cards for sale.

THIS ONE grabbed my pedantic attention.

Nifty, folksy design. Looks like it incorporated bits of book pages or other typewritten paper into the design, as if the magi were painted over an old, used piece of paper.

Now, theologians and scholars who aren't tired of the subject can kick around the debate about the tradition of "three" wise men, and whether the depicted trio are following the star all the way from the East, or simply from Jerusalem to Bethlehem. The more politically-minded can grieve about the fact that all 3 seem to be Anglo-Saxons, despite being stargazers from the Orient. Art critics can discuss the sinister implications of the ransom note-style lettering superimposed beneath the star, or ponder why Mark Rothko seems to have painted the right-hand border of the picture.

Me? It was the words themselves that caught my attention. "Peace on earth, goodwill towards all..."

Plainly a paraphrase of the latter half of Luke 2:14. It's part of the message of the angel -- to the shepherds in the fields near Bethlehem. Sure, I can accept that it's part of the general tenor of the birth of the Messiah, and is thus suitable for any holyday card. On the other hand, it is the magi's visit to Judea that sparks Herod's paranoid slaughter of all the baby boys in the area of Bethlehem. Not quite "peace on earth" or "goodwill" (Rejoice, again, that your brain doesn't operate like mine.)

How about "We have come to worship him"? Or, "They presented their gifts..."? Or even, "When they saw the star, they rejoiced"? Or, if you really must, "We Three Kings." Perhaps the artist is considering the global implications of the "peace on earth" brought by the child, as demonstrated by the Gentile acknowledgement of him in the persons of the Magi. R-i-g-h-t...

Replace folk art Wise Men with folk art shepherds -- or even a swirly-twirly gingham folk art angel, and it would be a genuine improvement. And it would probably still make me slightly sick to my stomach. Still, even in its original condition, it's better than Thomas Kincade.

Wow! Just... Wow!

You're looking at a couple comic frames by Fletcher Hanks--who apparently penned some pretty insane science fiction comics, from what I've read..

There is SO MUCH to love here! "The Leopard Women of Venus" -- a planet that is commonly associated with all things leopard! They're easily identifiable as "Leopard Women" because of their bright red space suits and totally un-leopardlike appearance. (It rather looks like the woman peering out of the apparently British* spaceship's windshield could be a leopard woman. She's a titian blond dressed in red, too.)

Riding "giant saurians" -- which come in a lovely array of colors, it seems. And they ride them, standing up on their tippy-toes, with no sort of restraints or reins at all! We know that they're moving at "terrific speed," though, because the women's hair is flying out behind them -- in the vacuum of space. Maybe it's their catlike balance that makes them Leopard Women.

But my personal favorite sci-fi idea here (and new favorite phrase) HAS to be the "head guns"! It makes so much sense, really. They fire where you look. Unfortunately, it seems that they fire all the time. And the "intensified comet fire" they're spewing doesn't seem to produce much in the way of recoil, so that's nice. Nothing to hinder their leopard-perfect posture.
__________
* Just look where the steering wheel is!

More stuff that amuses and confuses Allen's Brain

This'll teach me to go shopping! Warning: some of this is religious in nature.
The first two are from Barnes & Noble.

I THOUGHT I knew what an Advent calendar was. Apparently, I was wrong, because THIS is a CHRISTMAS Advent calendar. As opposed to, you know, an EASTER Advent calendar or a HALLOWEEN Advent calendar. SO glad we straightened that out!

Because that's the point of the church service, right?

My issue, here, has to do with the change in the role of the corporate worship experience. It used to be that you evnagelized folks and then brought them into the community of believers. Now, it seems, the primary perceived purpose of the church service IS evangelism -- or, at least, baiting the unbeliever into coming back until they respond to the Gospel.
But is that what the church is primarily about? Making the unchurched comfortable?
Never mind this one. I'm just being curmudgeonly, I guess.
*****

And now, on to an un-named antique mall:

Yup, Santa Prunes: the world's grumpiest Father Christmas!
Remember when bad kids used to get coal or sticks in their stockings?
"Ho! Ho! Ho! Looks like someone needs a little roughage!"

I know it's Santa Clara or Santa Clarita, but doesn't it look, at a glance, like "Santa Claus Prunes"?


And now, saving the best worst most notable for last:

I'll give you a moment to drink in, in all its... splendor.

First, it's a Christmas banner/folk art piece.

Takes a few moments to work out "He's Cheer Here!" is supposed to be read "Cheer. He's Here!"

"He," in this instance, is baby Jesus. See the halo? We are, it appears, looking down on him in the manger. Instead of canonical swaddling clothes, this ChristChild appears to be in a modified Christmas stocking -- red bottom, white top -- making him a Christmas gift. Nice sentiment!

You next spot the cruciformly-outstretched arms with too-cute hearts in the palms. You then begin to realize the whole thing is kind of cross-shaped. The "artist" wants to remind us that the baby in the manger came to be our Savior -- an act he will accomplish in his vicarious death at Calvary. And it was an act of love for us, so there are hearts instead of bleeding, nailed hands.

My personal favorite is the way the hair forms an almost-perfect icthus fish symbol! Only the upper "fin" of the tail is missing on the right, but maybe it broke off. Probably unintentional, but it made me laugh -- and hurl.

While none of it is really objectionable, the whole thing -- tassels, fringes, and all -- is just... ugly. I get it, but it's just, so... Blech!

Actually, if you want this item, let me know. Maybe I can acquire it for you. Then perhaps it will stop haunting my nightmares.  Shudder!

Scary Valentines of Yore

A few rather disturbing valentine cards from several decades back. These, and many more were posted by the entertaining nostalgia blog, And Everything Else, Too.

Because violence so often begets romance!

Ah, romance under the Big Top! The caveman clown clubs Ronald McDonald's sister, Leilani the hula dancer, under the assumption that this act of malevolent behavior will motivate her to be his Valentine. I'm told some women favor the caveman approach to courtship, but I don't think this is what was meant. I hope it works out for them, though, suffering as they are from terminal jaundice. And isn't the guy just a bit too, um, cheeky?

Already I'm a liar. This pic wasn't found at AndEverythingElseToo. Sorry.

But this one was...


Just say NO to pot.

Um, here we have the savage jungle theme again--so VERY un-PC.  However, the anklet is now on the aother foot, gender-speaking.  "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"? No.  "If music be the food of love..."? Uh-uh. "I could just eat you up"? Closer.  You "soup me" might have been a more apt slogan. Note how Caucasion these two are. Not that it would be any less-creepy if they were depicted as a different race--but isn't it odd?

And speaking of eating...

Inter-species romance? It would initially appear so. And what gal wouldn't fall for this approach?  "You annoy me, so please be my girlfriend."  No, we all know what's going on, here. "Come into my parlor, said the spider to the... ladybug." He's asking to have her to his place for dinner. Dapper arachnid, though.

This one is too grim to contemplate, I think.  Who would think that this was a suitable card for kids? Hallmark, apparently. Anyone who gives out this Valentine clearly is crying out for help.

Happy Valentine's Day?

What better way to say "I love you" than a St Espressus of Java t-shirt or mug? I can think of a few.

The Allen's Brain bobble head: coming soon to a retailer near you!

Well, not true, actually. It's fine. No one will want one of these, anyway. I have it, and I'm not sure I want it.

Here's the deal: In a couple weeks, we'll be doing a lesson in Vacation Bible School about creation. Naturally, we want the youngsters to know that we are made in God's image, and what that means. In order to drive the point home, we bought these DIY bobble heads!

They're ceramic, four or five inches high, and they have a circular indentation on the front of the head, about an inch-and-a-half across, for a picture of your face. Mine, of course, needed a beard, and ridiculous hair to match.


The skin is not so orangey as it looks here.



Profile. You can see the pre-formed hair line.



I'm kinda proud of free-handing the Hawaiian print. I'm SO not an artist!

 

Extreme close-up! Aaagh! What's with the Mr T hairdo?

The Passion of the Peep

So VERY wrong! But, for satiric purposes, it's nice to see the bunny get nailed. As best as I can figure, the arms and legs are--economically--made from only one other Peep bunny. That's more bunny per pack for you to enjoy, while this one dies for my inability to remember where I found it online.

Shall I dip my toes further into the flaming lake by singing, "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life"?

Am I the only one...

...who watches the new Arby's commercial with the jumping, dancing turtles, and thinks of this pulp magazine cover by Will Hulsey?

May, 1957, slightly edited to remove other salacious article titles.

Yup. Probably so.

The Moai Jesus?

Found myself in an antique mall recently. There I was--WAY overpriced!

Among the curiosities was this wood carving of a bearded man's head, slightly larger than a loaf of, say, Wonderbread.

The elongated face; the protruding forehead overhanging deep-set eyes and a long triangular nose: It's a moai! You know what a moai is, right? That's one of those giant stone heads on Easter Island, popularized recently by the one in the Night At The Museum films with the chewing gum obsession.

While the carving I found nowhere claimed to be Jesus, it certainly made me think of him, because, remember kids, without Easter, there can be no Easter Island!

And if you can give me an explanation of what that's supposed to mean, you win the gold star (sticker).

Have yourself a tiki little Christmas?

  

Keith Tucker of http://tuckerstikis.blogspot.com/



Card for purchase at http://frostiki.com/





Another card from http://frostiki.com/



And then, this baffling "crossover" piece...

edited from this flyer for a tiki culture festival:

Celebrate the birth of Christ with graven images!

On depicting religion in fiction

Recent fiction I've been reading/watching has included religion as part of the plot.  Typically, the religious leaders are shown to be greedy and willfuly deceptive, while the "true believers" are simply woefully ignorant suckers. I'm of two minds about this (which, when you're a brain in a jar, is tricky at best):

First of all, the religions usually depicted as fraudulent are, in fact, phony religions, and as a follower of Jesus, I would expect this to be the case. Additionally, sometimes the church is personified in fiction by its worst proponents. As a lover of truth, I like that. Evil shouldn't be allowed to continue, simply because it wears the guise of faith.

However...

It also seems that when these fake, oppressive religions turn up in plots, there is no alternative to it but utter atheism. In other words, the author(s) seem to be saying, "All religions/faiths are like this phony one I've cooked up here." And, in some cases, knowing the authors, that is exactly what they mean. Of course, if I had only had negative experiences with faith, I might be more accepting of this approach.

What do you think? Is no religion in fiction better than negative depictions of it?

Your comments welcome.

Happy Donut Day!

Apparently, today is the feast day of the Sacred Donut. And no artist captures the wonder and awe of the Doughnut (as some heathens spell it) like Eric Joyner.

Joyner explores in his art the questions of free will and the Sovereignty of God by showing that all of us are really just cool tin robots. Each is unique and beautiful in its own appearance and giftedness, but all are earthbound, limited in their abilities. We are not, for all of our shortcomings, less loved by our Creator, however. Yet the question remains: Are we all by nature, as Joyner endeavors to show in "Caught Again," "bad toys"?

In the Donut, the metallic inhabitants of Joyner's paintings find joy and purpose, but also terror!

The Donut is, of course, a circle and thus, a symbol of eternity. However, occasionally we see it depicted in a twist or jelly-filled style. By this, we may understand that God does not always appear or act as we expect.

The Donut is the source of life, as we see in "Gangenstein," a depiction of the Golem myth by way of the early Frankenstein films. Seen here, instead of lightning imparting the spark of life (itself an homage to Michelangelo's "Creation of Adam" on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel,) the life force flows from the Sacred Donut!

And here is another depiction of the Donut as the Source of life. In juxtaposing the human being with a locomotive engine, we are reminded that the Donut is, at its base, bread--the staff of life, and fuel for us all.

But the Donut is also sweet, and delightful to partake of. This recalls the words of Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the Lord is good!" Thus, in "Donut Redemption," the central figure seems to have an ecstatic experience of being showered with the Donut's Goodness!

So, have a Donut and some coffee, and enjoy the religio-mystical artwork of Eric Joyner!

Must see to begin to believe!

Dramatic/Traumatic Bible Scene Christmas Tree Ornaments

Anybody near Grove, OK?
I saw the place in question years ago, but I'm sure this wasn't in there.

Now I know what theme I'm using for next year's Christmas tree!

... in accordance with the prophecy!

In a previous post about the bizarre Santa dreidel, I joked, "What's next? A menorah made of reindeer candle holders?"



Today, I got an email from Jews for Jesus, advertising their download-able holyday artwork, which was both Christmas- and Hanukkah-influenced. And what did I see there?



It would seem that someone got jealous of Rudolph's shiny nose.

Here's the download page for this one and another less-weird picture.

An insight into snowbaby religion?

I actually can't stand snowbabies. I think it's because one killed my dog when I was 6. However, until now, I never realized that they worshiped and prayed to Tinkerbell. It might explain a few things.

Overreacting? Oh, how I wish that were so! The one on the right has mittens clasped in a plainly-recognizable posture of prayer. The one on the left is obviously prostrating its gender-vague self before the mighty and wonderful Tinkerbell. They have chosen, as do many pagans, to gather around a sacred evergreen tree to offer tokens of their adoration to the scantily-clad pixie.

All around them lie scattered stars which have fallen from the heavens in a sort of Apocalyptic shorthand. Here, in a scene worthy of Lovecraft or Blake, is pictured the final moment before the end of all space and time! And all of this without Peter Pan to curb her powerful wrath!

Be afraid! says the diorama, Be terrified! She that is called Tink hath wrought the end of all things! Placate her with the purchase of more Disney merchandise!

*****

Coming soon: My veep candidate debate with Sarah Palin!

Artistic(?) comparisons

Gregory thought the "abusive husband" in the last post looked like Bob Ross on crack,

to which I replied that it was more-or-less a self-portrait of me when I had skin and bones. Add some glasses...

And, voila!

What do you think?

The real question is why I would depict myself in a wife-beater as a wife beater!

*****

Seriously, folks. Spousal abuse is never funny, and that wasn't the point of the joke. It was just a really awful pun. Honestly.

Comic Analysis Monday

If you haven't been following Garfield lately, John finally got himself a steady girlfriend. Yep. All those gags about being turned down for dates? They can't use 'em anymore. At least until these two break up. That event seems tragically close today.

Jon and Liz have been dating for several months now, and have reached the point in their relationship in which their pasts surface, and those expectations and disappointments begin to affect the romance. Cartoonist Jim Davis is introducing the theme of the characters' checkered pasts by having both of them using an item from their childhood.

She's wearing a sweater that belonged to her former boyfriend: Charlie Brown. See the trademark zigzag pattern? That's right. She's dyed her hair, but Liz is the little red-haired girl all grown up! (The zigzag sat lower on her young torso, then.) Charlie had been fun for awhile--and very loyal. However, his ability to commit to a growing, healthy relationship could only be described as "wishy-washy." And then, of course, there had been those dalliances with Peppermint Patty...

Jon holds up a golf club that hasn't been usable since he was eight. It is, for him, a symbol of past glories and victories which he expects to return to him today, and cement his deluded perception of himself as a great athlete--the sort that many women are attracted to. Back then, his skill at mini golf had garnered the approval of the most important woman in his life--his mother. Today, alas, his ability to conform to the Olympian ideal is likely to fall short--short as his child-sized golf club!

Will Davis continue this discussion of the couples' pasts in future panels, or will it remain--as is so often the case--barely-hidden subtext?

Art Appreciation Monday for Holy Week

This is by one of my favorite artists, Russian Jew Marc Chagall. "The Binding of Isaac" depicts the story of Abraham's test in Genesis 22.

To my knowledge, Chagall was not a Christian. However, even he saw the foreshadowing in this event that pointed to another Father who would offer his Son as a sacrifice.

See Jesus carrying the cross in the blue background? Note how the vivid red seems to stream down like blood back into history upon Abraham & Isaac. Of course, the very moment Chagall paints is the one in which the angel of the Lord stops Abraham's hand and provides the ram caught in the thicket (left hand side) as the substitute sacrifice, but there will be no ram for God's Son! If anything, he is the ram, the substitutionary offering in the place of sinful humanity.


Additionally, looking ahead to Resurrection Sunday, I'm reminded of what the author of Hebrews tells us about the binding of Isaac:

By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned."
Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death. - Hebrews 11:17-19

Isaac prefigures Christ by symbolically returning from the dead (going to the place of sacrifice, being bound and laid on the altar, and then coming away alive.) Jesus, on the other hand, really did die, and was buried, yet within three days, he rose from the dead.