More Melvin On The Way

I'm translating some more of the Melvin gospel today. Seems to be a conflation of the woman at the well in Sychar (John 4) and the woman taken in adultery (John 8.) Perhaps the completed text will give us a clue to the original source material of the latter pericope.

Woohoo! Allen's Brain declared a heretic!

The rest of me is throughly orthodox, I suppose.

Just found out I've been nominated for "best blog by a heretic."

Haven't a snowcone's chance in a coffee pot of winning, but you can vote for me, anyway. While you're there, drop a vote for Brain Lab friends Ironic Catholic and B-Movie Catechism! The Blue Brain commands it!

Thanks to those who nominated me and voted for me--you lunatics, you! Just wait til the pope finds out you've been reading me!

A few points of interest along the way

18% interest, that is!

It seems like most of my regulars here at ICFAB are also getting updates on my FB page, so it hardly seems fair to ask you to come over here. So, what do you think? Should there be exclusive blogg-y content here that won't get posted on Faceless Book?

I'm afraid we ran out of secret decoder rings, and it will be quite some time before there are any more in stock. Due to this unforeseeable circumstance, I'll go ahead and let you in on a secret. The Hebrew phrase on this blog post is pronounced "d'var sayther." It comes from Judges 3:19, and is the phrase typically translated "secret message."

Well, I thought it was funny...

And, yes, the pic of the decoder ring was from the Capt Midnight tv show, and doesn't look like the PSDR one you lucky few have. There were manufacturing secrets to be preserved, and so I couldn't actually show a real one.

Doesn't Captain Kresken Nostradamus sound like he'd be comfortable appearing alongside this show? And this one?

Chuck Taylor, in that same post, referred to "Charles Taylor," prophecy preacher who falsely predicted Christ's return 13 times, as documented by "A Brief History of the Apocalypse."

ICFAB Celebrates 5th Birthday!

Well--a bit belatedly. It was actually yesterday, but I'm almost never near my computer on Sundays.

My, how things have changed in 5 years! Here's a pic of me 5 years ago.

And here's what I look like today!

See the difference? Shocking! Horrifying!

Actually, here is the pic I included with my very first blog post.

Here is one taken a couple weeks ago.

I think I had just looked in the mirror!

Anyway, thanks to my faithful readers--both of you--for sticking it out with me in the lab. Thanks also to the Atomic Lizard-Men for all their hard service, and to the Asparagustersens (They know why.)

More silliness, weirdness, and Messi-Jewishness to come. Certainly, more Gospel of Melvin in the works, and--maybe--more chapters of that inverted fiction classic, Night Of The Java Beast!

Nu Feechur @ teh Brayn Laaabb

Regular readers might have noticed the new gadget on the blog's lefthand side.

It's not a marketing banner that gives me money when you click, or anything like that.

The Brain happens to be a fan of old time radio programs, and the new widget lets anyone listen to a new old show (let grammar teacher's unite in their writhing!) every day. Also, you can go to the OTRcat site and get discs of radio show mp3s for $5 a pop, which is quite reasonable, if you like that sort of thing.

My apologies for the title. The Atomic Lizard Men thought it would be catchy.

Happy 3rd Birthday, ICFAB!

IT CAME FROM ALLEN'S BRAIN! is three years old today.

It wants a cookie, RIGHT NOW--and then later it'll be taking a nap.

Thank goodness the potty training days are over, and I can stop reading "Elmo Has His Own Potty!"

Seasons Greetings!

Happy Paprika!
Have a Super Salt!
Merry Pepper!
Happy Chili!

Um, the 'puter's in the shop lately, so nothing much 'til later.

Sorry.

Technology Malfunctions Instigate Blogging Hiatus For Brain In A Jar

My computer's on the fritz lately. This means fewer posts here. I'll try to get an occasional missive out to you at the local library 'puter lab, but you know how things are on the campaign trail! My secretary, Megan McCain (What? How else would a brain in a jar run a blog?) thinks posting to her blog is more important, apparently.

Latest news: Speaking at a highschool lock-in the 24th-25th.

Until I'm back full-time, please visit some of the scintillating spots I have linked on the left.

The Big News... What It Isn't.

There is some very big news coming to the Brain Lab! In case you still care, I'll give you some hints.

Here is what the "big news" is not:

-I'm getting married!

-IT CAME FROM ALLEN'S BRAIN! is about to become the premiere site for spork collectors the world over.

-I'm finally hanging it all up and ending the blog because I'm going to prison.

-Regular guest posts by Nancy Pelosi coming soon!

-The release of the first CD by my klezmer/ska/fusion band, "Gnawed To Death By Weasels."

-I'm finally on some medication that straightens me out. (y'all should be so lucky!)

-I may have just won ten million dollars!

-Expose: "The Muffin Man Revealed!"

-Sculptures of Allen's Brain made from chewing gum will be on sale here starting next week!

-I am the new American Idol! (that ought to boost Gnawed To Death By Weasels' CD sales)

Coming Soon...

Some potentially very big news coming very soon to the Brain Lab.

Stay tuned.

Future blog posts to be fewer and farther between for the forseeable future.

My computer recently took a sharp left turn into La-La Land, and I am presently banned from there (something about a coup and muffins and teeny rubber ducks.) As a result, I am checking ye olde email and posting to this blog from the public library. Needless to say, this means my posts will not likely be as frequent--mostly because dancing the Hora after every sentence is pretty much frowned upon there.

'Hope to have something more inspiring and wacky in the near future.

Top Ten Blog Posts of 2007

Ah, nostalgia (which sounds like a nasal infection of some sort)!

Here's my list of my ten favorite posts of this past year:

The Origin of Deck The Halls (and some others) (so much for political correctness!)
The Original Gospel of Melvin Post (The first of a recurring feature here at the brain lab)
Reminiscences of The Adventures of Capt Orthodoxy (A forgotten Christian radio program)
The first (posted) chapter of Night of the Java Beast (I really never meant there to be any more chapters)
The tomb of Elijah discovered (a response to the tomb of Jesus nonsense)
St Paddy's Day in my neighborhood (and you thought you had it tough?)
Starship Noa-Zark (Christian tv and more bad puns than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time)
Less-than-helpful hint for being more like Jesus (Because we all need a little help)
The Prayer of St Espressus of Java (patron saint of fictitious saints)
Weak Coffee is Like Weak Doctrine (2 coffee posts in a row!)
Paranoid Conspiracy Rant (Someone has to look out for you people!)
Stray Dog (the whole story, really)
Piece of the Nativity that Luke & Matthew left out (My Christmas card to y'all)

And 2 more that were very popular, even if I didn't compose them myself:
Church terms that oughta exist (check out the comments on this one, too)
The Two Minute Haggadah

Ten favorite posts plus two honorable mentions equals fifteen!

Addendum

I meant to say that I'll be spending the "holyday" with my family. How can I expect it to become a trend if I can't even remember to do it?!

Also, have a happy Thanksgiving Day! Eat far too much, because that is the true meaning of gratitude.

Allen's Brain plays catch-up and then slithers away for the week

Greetings, Faithful Readers! (both of you)

I was teaching Jr Hi on Friday. With the already-shortened week, and three teachers out at once, they natives were wired for sound. So what could I do? I plugged some polka into them.

Anyway... Tomorrow's my sister's birthday, so I'm just taking the week off and spending the holiday with the various assembled family members.

This means no blogging here until probably Monday the 26th. Do try to cope.

All Hallow's Feature Fiction

While it seems risky at best, juggling two other ongoing stories here at ICFAB, I'm going to present a third one over the course of the next few days. The difference with this one is that, while Muffy and the Java Beast are works in progress with certain ends but uncertain deadlines for those ends, this new one is nearly complete, and will be before the weekend's up.

Fans of the fiction of H.P. Lovecraft and Edgar Allan Poe will definitely enjoy reading stories by those authors, and can always console themselves with that activity after reading this new one: "Stray Dog."

Improvements as Promised!

As I said in Tuesday's post, I will be making an effort to be turning out better humor in my blog posts. I think we would all agree that Wednesday's and Thursday's posts are better than much of what you've read here at the lab lately! Or at least better than that 1984 post!

Ah, subliminal humor! You've gotta love it! Really. Because of the conditioning, you have no choice. You. Must. Love. It.

And they said it couldn't be done!

"No. Actually, what we said was that it shouldn't be done."

Well, at any rate, they don't remember having said that, since my online memory-eraser program was put into service. I've been experimenting with it all last week. That's why you don't remember reading that very clever post about the similarities between two-party political systems and Kentucky Derby race horses. Nor do you remember my series of very short book and movie reviews.

Like this one:

Dante's Inferno. "Wail Fellow, Hell Met!"

Or this one:

Citizen Kane. "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his own sled?"

See, you don't remember those at all, do you? Proof that my online memory-eraser program works perfectly! How does it work, you ask? Um... I can't seem to recall...

Humor-blogs.com. Proof that there is intelligent life in the universe, which we just haven't discovered yet.

People were searching for what?

It's time, Boys and Girls, to reveal just how people are finding out about my blog. Yes, that's right. I'm about to list some of the odd search queries that have brought hits to this site.

Unlike some people who put fatuous search terms into their blog entries like "naked scarlett johanssen pics," "Complete light bulb jokes," "free cell phone," "American idol sanjaya," and the ever-popular "liverwurst trophy," I am not a link harlot. So it always interests me to see what people were actually looking for when they discovered the brain lab here.

The biggest search term that pops up is, of course, "Allen brain"--people that are searching for the Allen Brain Atlas. That's understandable. Here's a few more popular ones that baffle me, though:

“Salvish” and “Salvish Army.” Apparently, it isn't just a name I made up for the occasion of a short story I posted here back around Halloween.

"on your toes ode." Is there a poem out there espousing the virtues of being always alert?

"larries movies" and "larries movies com." I've discovered that "Larries" are St Lawrence University students, but beyond that I'm clueless about this search.

"non religious palm sunday cards." How do you celebrate Palm Sunday without the religious implications? And why are you sending a card about it? The mind boggles.

"matzoh pictures." Okay. Guilty. Around Passover, I have mentioned matzoh more than a few times.

"that oughta." This one completely baffles me. I've used this term mid-sentence, but who is looking for just that sentence particle?

No one found my site by looking for humor-blogs.com, though.

Happy Birthday, ICFAB!

Yep, one year ago today, a little blog called IT CAME FROM ALLEN'S BRAIN! was born. For those interested in historical curiosities, here is the very first post.

Passover is today. We'll be having a Seder tonight at Cornland CC. Click here to read my Passover post from last year. I'll be spending most of today at the church kitchen cooking away like a Jewish bubbe (grandma) for this evening's festivities.

That explains it! addendum

Apparently, the calendar I was looking at when I stated that yesterday was the first day of Spring was made in a factory which shares some real estate with the Twilight Zone. Yesterday was not the first day of Spring. Today is. Unless, of course, you are reading this post tomorrow, in which case yesterday was the first day of Spring, not two days ago.
Or, as a wise, if rather inebriated, man once said, “Yesterday is the tomorrow you worried about two days ago.” I think that’s how it went. Perhaps it was “Tomorrow is the yesterday you’ll look back on and laugh about, two days hence, unless it goes really horribly.”

Then again, maybe it wasn’t the wise old drunk that said it. Maybe I read it in a fortune cookie at the H.G. Wells Restaurant, which wasn’t there today when I went past it next Thursday.

Mistakes were made, and humor-blogs.com will pay for it. Don’t worry Diesel. I’ll never have done this again before I do it. I’m just all kinds of tense today.

It still doesn’t explain the ubiquitous springs, though.